Letters to the Editor
  So I was wrong about a couple of points regarding the Beatles almost-reunion on SNL......I'm sure I'm not the only person with some memory loss due to massive brain degradation due to "mind enhancement stimuli" from the past.
  I do remember always being impressed with former "Hats" drummer Corey Castellano as he ripped into the intro of Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills". The man could rock!
  If only I could find a magic doorway and go back in time....the Hats would jam again. If only you reading this had the oppurtunity to see us live. (A little historic self- promotion here)..we did have fun.
DRIVING HELL....
  Have you ever drivin' on the interstate at 5 miles an hour or less....behind a guy going 5 mph or less, behind 100 others going 5 mph or less, behind some STUPID CHICKEN HEADED @$#%ING MORON DRIVING 5 #%$@INGMILES PER HOUR OR LESS.....IN THE PASSING LANE.....who just so happens to be driving right next to another idiot who is driving 5 mph or less?????   WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE LEARN TO DRIVE?  These are the same folks who, when you do have that brief window of opportunity to pass, discover the accelerator, if for only a brief moment, sharply negating your opportunity!  For those of you to whom this applies, here's a suggestion: TAKE THE TRAIN. Or pick up a State Drivers Handbook.  The same one you should have read the first time. (Bad day at the office, dear?---N)
ELIAN.....
  This poor kid. While I sympathize with the plight of Cubans who have escaped Castro's dictatorship, my heart really goes out to Elian.
  On behalf of "right" vs "wrong", the media and people of Miami have damaged this child to no end. He has been treated as a "savior to a cause" to discredit Castro. He is just a little boy who had the unfortunate duty of watching his mother die in front of him as he clung to life himself on that makeshift raft in the Atlantic.
  None of us can be certain of the merits of his father, as anything of informational value coming out of Cuba is "suspect"  But, HE IS ELIAN'S FATHER.  Elian's mother  DIED and risked her SON'S life, to escape the insanity of Cuba.
  Castro has imprisoned the Grandmothers and Elian's father's family. It is a known fact they stay there until Castro has need to parade them to crowds as national heroes for propaganda purposes.  
  The U.S. Attorney General couldn't look genuinely concerned about the kid if she had facial surgery to make it so. By now we're all familiar with our President's family values and his position, so what does that say. These are the buffoons involved.   Our PRIMARY concern is that of little Elian.
(I feel bad for Elian too, but, here in Florida, this started as a local story and it is the daily headline.  I frankly am sick of it and sick by it. Readers: last issue, I invited Matt to "vent" about this and I want you to know that he went on about Elian for several more paragraphs, but due to space limitations I had to edit it down. The salient points were published. ---N)
REFLECTIONS...
  As we approach Easter weekend I think back to when I was a kid.  I tend to do that quite often these days, approaching 40 like I am. I remember how excited my dad used to be as he'd make the Easter eggs, then have us stay in our rooms while he went outside and hid them. Then coming back in and handing each of us a basket, with the promise of extra candy to whoever found the most eggs.  You know, I
couldn't even tell you who might've been the winner. What I do remember is his laughing smile as he watched us in our search.  I also remember he didn't say "I love you" very easily, at least until the end.
  If you fit this mold, do yourself a favor. Go to the store and buy some egg dye and baskets, dye a whole bunch of hard-boiled eggs and hide them in the yard or around the house. Then, before too much more time elapses, look your kid in the eye and tell him what Christ tells all of us, even those who don't yet believe in Him, "I love you".It will be worth it.(I wholeheartedly agree!---N)
Happy Easter, and God bless you all. (You too!--N)
Matt
  
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Vol. 1, No. 5    April 17--23, 2000
Sit back and make time for this one! The leviathan from Leavenworth has a lot to say...  
Mike's Rant
Hello all from the land of prisons (there are 4 within 15 miles of me................love those Leavenworth jokes!)  Actually, for all of you who may have read "In Cold Blood," the majority of that story took place near here.  In fact, a friend of my father-in-law was a witness when Dick and Perry were hung.  He tells a hell of a story!

Shall I begin:

Also saddened by the loss of Larry Linville.  Like the majority of the second-tier players on "MASH," he was unable to escape the typecasting syndrome.  Part of the problem with the series' longevity.  Yes, he was there for a year with BJ (who, after a day of drinking with Hawkeye greeted him with the classic "Hey, Ferret Face!")  I too think he was too whiny at times.  Robert Duval was Frank in the movie, and his Frank was much more complicated and set in his beliefs.  In a bit of bizarre "MASH" trivia, both Roger Bowen (the film's Colonel Henry Blake) and McLean Stevenson (the series' Henry Blake) passed away on the same day within 3 hours of each other!  Not as dramatic as Thomas Jefferson and John Adams doing it on the 4th of July, but still pretty bizarre.  

No, I didn't have pizza with Kevin Smith.  He was pretty busy planning his child's baptism at the time!   (Then how did you meet up with him???---Nolan)

Ladies and Gentlemen....................THE BEATLES!!

Needless to say, I would be first in line to see ANY type of get together that puts Paul, George and Ringo on stage together.  McCartney was the spoiler 10 years ago when the group was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Because of various legal problems with his "mates," he didn't want to project an air of togetherness by showing up and possibly jamming with them.  (I know how he feels--whoops! SHhhh!---N)

I can't believe Nolan doesn't remember my phone call.  He answered the phone and my first words were, "I buried John." (I truly apologize for that, but as I've said before, I have big chunks of missing time in my memory. I do trust that it went the way you said.---N)  Indeed a sad time.  I had just bought "Double Fantasy" that afternoon, and had listened to side one.  Upon hearing the news, I played "Beautiful Boy" over and over in my room and cried.  I really felt sorry for Yoko because she always took the wrap for breaking up the Beatles.  Of course, all of my sympathy ended when she released her album "Season Of Glass" and put John's bloodstained glasses on the cover. (I was ahead of you on that!---N)

As for the Saturday Night Live episode:  Yes, Lorne Michaels did indeed offer the Beatles $3,000 to reunite on the show.  He told them to split it any way they wanted, hinting that Ringo should not get that much.  In his Playboy interview, John mentioned that Paul was over that night watching the show.  They debated as to whether or not they should go down, and by the time they decided to, their taxi was caught in traffic so they just went back home. (See? That's what I thought. Matt remembers it as being George's limo driver getting lost.---N) Actually, SNL was very popular with the lads.  George debuted the "Crackerbox Palace" animated short on the show and McCartney debuted the "Coming Up" video as well.  The McCartney spot was great because Father Guido Sarduchi went to England to interview Paul live and have him introduce the video.  The funny part was that when he got to McCartney's house, it was 5:30 in the morning in England and he had to throw rocks at the window to get Paul and Linda outside in their pajamas.  The joke was that Paul agreed to do it at 11:30, but thought that meant London time!
   As for Pete Best, this guy wouldn't have even been in the band if his mother hadn't let the group practice in her kitchen! (Hey!---N) (Note to now famous "Hats" drummer, Corey......you were in even IF we didn't practice in your mom's kitchen!)  (Care for a second opinion?---N)  I would consider Stu Sutcliffe more of a former Beatle then Pete Best.  I still remember the crappy Dick Clark show that used to air on Wednesday nights where he would put together a "superband" to close each show.  Normally, the drummer was ex-Elton John band member Nigel Olsen.  However, one night, Dick told us "this man could have been one of the most popular musicians of his time, but he sucked so now he's on our show, please welcome Pete Best!"  Maybe he didn't use the word "sucked," but that was the gist of the intro.  (Maybe Dick meant "he's sacked"..?.---N)
  Two years ago, Spencer Gifts had a series of old Astrid Kirchner photos from Hamburg that were framed and signed by Best.  I think they still have them! (Now he tells me!---N)

LET'S HERE IT FOR THE IRON MAN!

  No, not the Marvel Comic Book character, but Calvin Edward Ripken, Jr.!  Cal reached the 3,000 hit mark this past weekend and put the final stamp on his first ballot passport to baseball's Hall of Fame!
  In my profession, I have had the opportunity to meet everyone from Sean Connery (a high point) to Carrot Top (a major low) (Care to elaborate?---N) and Cal has always been friendly and gracious.  After losing his father to cancer last year, I wasn't sure how he would react.  To say they were close was an understatement.  The cool part is that Cal got his hit at exactly 8:07 pm.  Cal wears #8.  His father wore #7.

MOVIE HISTORY FOR SALE!

Hey Matt!  There's a person on Ebay selling the "Amity Pharmacy" sign that was seen in "Jaws."  It would make a great birthday present for your favorite "Jaws" fan!
(Hints dropping like Quint's boat!---N)

AT THE MOVIES:

Did you hear about the happy Roman?  He was "GLADIATOR!"  This Ridley Scott directed flick looks like the summer's first hit.  Oops, did I say "summer?"  Summer comes earlier every year in the movie biz!  It used to mean the first week of June.  Then "Twister" came out in mid-May and was HUGE.  This year it's April 5th!  Jeesh.  Incidentally, circle May 27, 2002, on your calendar if you're looking forward to "Episode Two." (OK, smarty pants, I've got my lawn chair ready!---N)

POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION OF ALBUQUERQUE!

As I write this, I'm watching "The Partridge Family."  The big concert song this week is "Summer Days."  Two things just hit me..................#1 - they always seemed to play before a crowd of 20 people sitting around tables, yet they had hit song after hit song.  Hell, I sing in front of more people at Karaoke and don't make a dime!  #2 - where the hell is the horn section hiding?  You hear them every song, but never see them.  And why in the hell is Danny's bass twice as big as he is?  

Well, all for this week.  Thanks for reading!  Next week - the history of the HATS! (God help us all---N)

   I remember playing before "crowds" of 20 people or less. What's your point?
They "deserved" better?  So did I.  Right?  I said RIGHT???   (Kidding)
 You sing Karaoke? Is there current video/audio tape evidence of this?
 The Partridge Family horn section were the dishwashers in the restaurant where they played and,.....no, seriously, that's one thing that dates terribly from that time: producers and directors from the old school NEVER knew how to handle rock-and-roll band portrayal/production.  Figured nobody'd notice I guess.
  Around the time of SNL that began to turn around as the younger generation of baby-boomers first came into positions of power with the attendant "hipness" required to master rock band mixes for TV, such as that is.
  Anybody besides me remember when a rock band came on any TV talk show in the '60s and early '70s, the camera would zoom in and out relentlessly during their performance? That's what I mean.---Nolan.
"Mike's Rant" is © 2000 Michael A. Smith.
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"Matt's Rail" is © 2000 by Matt Drinnenberg.  Issue 6--Elian: the movie?

 

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