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Matt's Rail The Massachusetts mauler, ladies and gents, with a word about FM

Vol. 1, No. 6    This edition, April 24--30, 2000.

Kevin Smith, drugs, tits and "Hats" are on the mind of our Kansas man!

Mike's Rant

Hello all!  I hope everyone had a Happy Easter, Passover or just a nice week!   Here we go: EASTER MEMORIES: Thank you, Matt, for your great memories.  Like our esteemed editor, I too have very many surrogate parents to thank for making me feel like part of a family.  None more so than Matt's own folks, Margie and Louis.  Whenever I was having problems at home (which seemed like always), there was always a place at the table for me to eat and a bed to sleep in.  For the past 25 years I have thought of Matt as not my friend but my brother, and I hope he feels the same.  If I may, I would like to dedicate this week's column to "the folks."  I love you Mom, I miss you Dad!  (Here, here!---N) ELIAN: I was waiting until the end of the week to comment on Matt's remarks.  Of course, the events this weekend kind of make anything I would have said kind of pointless.  Let me say that in my opinion, this kid should have been sent back to his father as soon as he was found.  It is my understanding that Cuban refugees that are picked up in the water are to be sent back.  Only if they reach our shores are they allowed to ask for asylum.  These relatives have had 3 months to turn this boy over and their refusal brought about the circumstances of this past Saturday.  Let those of you who think I'm wrong contemplate their decision if it was an American boy in Cuba.  Can't wait for the CBS sweeps week movie...................perhaps they can work in the Taco Bell Chihuahua for comedy relief.  (I thought if they were rescued in the water--not just found--they had a chance at asylum...shows what I know.---N) FEEL BETTER..............OR DIE! What is it with all of these new drug commercials?  They spend 15 seconds telling you how great it does, then the next telling you all of the side effects.  In my opinion, anything that comes with the warning, "may cause death" can't be that good for you. (And don't get me started on fluoride toothpaste's "poison" warnings!---N)  I rank these commercials up there with the cheerleader dressed all in white who does the splits and talks about her tampons.  And the mother/daughter "freshness" commercials where mom just "happens" to have a bottle of douche in her purse. (LOL!---N) KEVIN SMITH..................and carrot top: I was fortunate to see the first digital presentation of "Dogma" in Atlantic City last October.  Figuring Kevin Smith would be there (he only lives an hour away), I came with a poster for "Dogma" and the "Mallrats" DVD hoping to have them autographed.  His representative told me that Kevin was ill and would not be attending.  Fortunately, the movie took away my depression.  The next day, my friend Ben and I headed to Red Bank, New Jersey to visit Kev's comic book shop, "Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash."  While purchasing my "Davey and Goliath" video collection, I saw a door in the rear of the store open and in walked Kevin and his wife.  After contemplating dropping to my knees Wayne Campbell style and proclaiming "I'm not worthy," I finally just walked up and said hello.  I told him I had seen "Dogma" the previous evening and we spoke for several minutes about not only the film, but the presentation.  It seems his rep had actually told him about me looking for him at the film, so he offered to sign my goodies.  He also posed for a couple pictures.  If I can figure out how to send it to Nolan, I'll ask him to post it. (Hell, yeah!---N) As for Carrot Top..........I had to endure 20 minutes of his "comedy" one night when he was plugging his straight-to-video film, "Chairman of the Board."  I can go to my death easily now, knowing I have already survived hell! (I can't wait for your review of "Chairman of the Board"!....---N) TITS!.................. Seems to be the newest term Eric Cartman has coined to show his glee, as in, "Boy, that Xmen preview is tits!"  I can only say "hats off" to the members of the Academy for at least having the balls to nominate "Blame Canada" for an Oscar.  In previous years, the old fogies in the music branch had ignored such sure-fire nominees as the Bee Gees (Saturday Night Fever) and Neil Diamond (The Jazz Singer) for much lesser fare.  Ironically, Prince won the last "Best Song Score" Oscar ever awarded for "Purple Rain," but none of the songs were nominated.  When you consider that "When Doves Cry" is probably one of the greatest songs of the 80's (Huh?---N), it's hard to understand what the academy was thinking.  I personally think that the "South Park" movie was one of the best musicals ever produced, and I loved this past week's episode with an evil Phil Collins (complete with Oscar) ranting and raving about his next concert. (The joke was that was the real Phil Collins--not the voice, tho. Also loved the boys all being on Ritalin for Attention Deficit Disorder. And, of course, TIMmehhhhh, the new crippled kid.---N) HAPPY BIRTHDAY............ this Tuesday (4-25-00) to Al Pacino, who turns the big "60". And now...........drum roll please..............THE HISTORY OF THE HATS..........Chapter One...............Meet the Band Nolan Canova - Lead Guitar and Background Vocals Matt Drinnenberg - Lead Vocals Michael Smith - Rhythm Guitar and Background Vocals (when they'd let him) Corey Castellano - Drums Scott Van Sickle - Bass Honorary Hat:  Scott Gilbert There were several HATS wannabes, but two stick out in my mind: Jay Gregory:  younger brother of classmate Ben, Jay plugged in with us and treated us to the opening riff to "China Grove."  Unfortunately, all of Jay's repertoire consisted of the opening riff to "China Grove."  Ben would later go on to steal one of Matt's songs and pass it off as his to impress a girl.  Matt would later go on to knock Ben across a table during lunch.............who says artists aren't high strung. (Was Jay the one  I remember from Ben's house who played drums to my rendition of "Cat Scratch Fever"?---N) Dustin (Dusty) Hess:  a man with a past, and a pretty cool one at that.  Dusty owned the upscale comic book/collectable store in town. (And not too many people collect comic book stores!---N) His store was later used as a location in the award-winning film, "The Movie We Couldn't Call Star Wars."  While in Rochester, New York, Dusty was a coworker of Paul Pape, who played "Double J" in "Saturday Night Fever."  He was also the bassist for a band called "Blacksheep."  (He plugged in with us once, and as we kicked off "Cat Scratch Fever," he hit a thunderous note that pretty much shook the house.)  Let's just say that for a bass player, he was a good store owner. (And even then...---N) Anyway, he quit the New York band and pizza shop and became a cop.  What about the band he left, you ask?  Well, the band leader, Louis Gramitico did three things:  he hired Mick Jones as the new bassist, changed his name to Lou Gramm and retitled the band.  You may have heard of them:...........FOREIGNER.  Jeesh, I feel like Paul Harvey and the "rest of the story".   OK, you've met the HATS.  Next week, how they met!  Have a great week!    Earlier in the week, during an Instant Message session,  I mentioned to Mike how much better his memory is than mine for some of these things. I was there for the Dusty "thunder" event and I do remember it.  I haven't thought about it for years.  I blocked a lot of those years out!  The ' 70s were a bittersweet time for me.   I remember Jay G., but not "China Grove."  I thought it was "Cat Scratch Fever", like with Dusty.  Hell, maybe we did both.   One memory etched in stone:  the pivotal, pre-army tear-jerker event: "Come Sail Away".  Readers: Mike will do this event justice, I'm sure. ---Nolan.

Hello everybody...I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. ELIAN    Wow, boy, when that Reno wants to get something done she really goes all out.  Am absolutely stunned and yet quite resolved over the "Neighborhood Invasion". After the children that were massacred in Waco, due to her "set it on fire" command, nothing shocks me. Hopefully, this young child will get beyond all of this, but most probably he'll end up as a puppet for Castro, as he'll want to flaunt this over us for some time. Nice to know we've ensured, at the very least, he'll have a normal upbringing.........    We should ALL say a prayer for this poor kid. CRUEL AND UNUSUAL..    For those of us who love the classic horror movies, there can be only one known true authority on our delight, the one Forrest J. Ackerman, or Forry for short.    If you know of whom I'm speaking, then you probably also know that Forry is involved in a bitter lawsuit concerning his life's work, Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine, with current Dynacom FM editor, Ray Ferry.    Famous Monsters of Filmland had a very successful run from the late 50's to the 80's and, after a very mournful absence, returned to its fans in issue #200 (thus making unnecessary 192-199. I believe it ended at 191..Nolan?  (192, I think---N)Anyway, Forry returned and all was right in the cosmos until, unexpectedly, Forry resigned (or was fired), thus the lawsuit.    The reason I'm writing about this is because this is truly a great man. I emailed his address the other day and he actually took time to reply, thanking me for my support, which he richly deserves. For many of us, this man was responsible for giving us something wonderful, and escapist. And it's been ripped from his fingers. For more on this, please visit http://www.best.com/~4forry/ and read "Forry forced to court" and "Why I left FM". My truest hopes and wishes are with you, Forry. (So say we all---N) A TRUE GREAT    As I am an avid sports dude, I was clicking thru FOXSPORTS and noticed an article by Keith Olberman on the passing of the great Salty Sol Fleishman. (Aged 89!---N)    I remember watching  him in the mornings before going to school and always taking notice of his captain's hat and fishing blazer. He'd rattle off a ton of sports scores and then get to something really important, like the big catch of the day on Gandy Bridge (when you could actually find a catch of the day at Gandy). I'd watch with my dad and he'd get me psyched up for the coming weekend, when we'd leave the house at 4 am to rent a boat and "try to get on Salty Sol". (Salty Sol, Ernie Lee and Roy Leep are local legends of TV in Tampa. Of those three who started Channel 13 News, sports and weather in the '50s, only weatherman Roy Leep is still with us.---N) THE HATS    What a wonderful time. I don't want to steal any of Mike's thunder, so I'll wait in urged anticipation for "The Hats", Part II....but boy, that spaghetti was great!! (And the potato salad. Don't forget the potato salad. But spaghetti was more frequent!--N) Later, Matthew Oh, sure. Let Mike have his thunder. Wait till he gets to the part where he taught us everything we know and he blew you away as a singer.  I'm sure you'll have something to add then, eh Matt?---Nolan.

"Matt's Rail" is © 2000 by Matthew Drinnenberg

"Mike's Rant" is © 2000 by Michael A. Smith

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