Nolan's Newsstand
Letters to the Editor
Tampa, Florida and the rest of the universe!
News and views I fit into print, sometimes just barely!  Feel free to write. I'll make room!
Commentary      My View
Vol.1, No. 9    This edition is for the week of May 15--21, 2000
Matt's Rail
A twister, some more Jaws, some "Friends" gripes, and The Hats newest chapter!
Mike's Rant
Famous Monsters resolved! Harryhausen fan site! More HATS memories!
Auntie Em! Uncle Henry!  It's a twister!  Hello folks..............had one touch down near the old homestead Thursday night.(You didn't happen to see that girl and her dog running for the farm too, did you?  Haven't seen 'em since I saw the rainbow!---N)  Happily, no damage!  Now that everything has stopped spinning, let's begin.(There's your house...and there's all that's left of the wicked...aw, never mind!---N)
COME ON DOWN AND SHOVEL SOME OF THIS SHIT!
In 1975, "Jaws" was nominated for (4) Academy Awards.  Though it did not win
Best Picture (curse you, "Cuckoo's Nest"), it did win for Best Musical Score, Best Film Editing and Best Sound.  Best Sound?  Wow, if that is so, then why did Universal create a completely NEW SOUNDTRACK for the recent television fiasco and upcoming DVD release.  Every sound, from the lonely whale in the darkness to Mrs. Kintner slapping Brody's face has been re-recorded.  I can only imagine that Universal will have the balls to advertise the Oscar winning sound on the DVD.  It's bad enough they made "Jaws the Revenge" (which is the only movie where I abused my power in the movie biz to get a private screening with some friends.) (The ONLY time? Hmm... ---N) I proceeded to throw my popcorn, candy and a couple of chairs at the screen), but now they are messing with HISTORY!  Enjoy your laser discs and videos people............YOU'VE got the Oscar winner!
WHAT'S YELLOW AND SLEEPS ALONE?
Yoko Ono, of course.  (OOOoooo---N)  That's my second favorite Beatles' wife joke.  Just when you think she can't sink any lower, Yoko Ono has authorized the creation of metal figures of John Lennon which will retail for $6400.  Why am I pissed?  Because the metal will be obtained from melted down HAND GUNS! (Yeah, but where's the money going to? The commitee to cope with John's murder by symbologically destroying the murder weapon? Or towards his next "new" recording she'll "find" in the archives?---N) Even Mark David Chapman has to be upset at this news. (And THAT can't be good!---N) What's a four letter word for Yoko that ends in  U N T?  I'll give you a hint..........it ain't AUNT.  By the way, my favorite Beatles' wife joke..............what do you call a dog with wings? (LOL!---N)
CAUSE YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS!
I love that Bette Midler song!  When I left Baltimore for Kansas I was treated to an enormous going away party at a dinner theatre run by a friend of mine.  Everyone sang the afore mentioned song at the end.  I agree.  You need friends.  You don't need "FRIENDS."  Can you imagine the nerve of those clowns?  For those of you not familiar, the cast of "Friends" are demanding ONE MILLION DOLLARS EACH PER EPISODE!!  If they don't get it, they are going to go off and make movies.  They left out the word "shitty," as in shitty movies.  The only person I can see doing ANYTHING worth while is Lisa Kudrow.  With the exception of the "Scream" movies and "Analyze This," all of the "friend" movies have pretty much blown at the box-office.  I really don't think "Scream" was a hit because of  Courtney Cox! (She didn't hurt it either!---N) In fact, in my opinion, she did her best work years ago in Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" video.  Ironically, the only "Friends" cast member to have a hit movie was the monkey, who scored big with "Outbreak."  Jennifer Anniston will never be more then a "B" actress,(Hey! She's my sweetie!---N) Matthew Perry could be funny if he stays out of rehab.  David Schwimmer reminds me too much of this whiny kid I knew in Tampa named Chris Allen...............maybe that's why I just want to punch him in the face.  And my left testicle has more talent then Matt LeBlanc will ever have.(Did your left testicle show up for an audition? Huh?---N)  Ironically, the role of Joey was originally given to my left testicle, but he had to turn the part down as there was no role for the rest of my genitals.(And with no audition, wow...---N)  I wouldn't be surprised to find him driving the bus on the "New Kids On The Block" reunion tour.  LeBlanc, that is............not my testicle.(Your left testicle could've been a contender for the role of Major Don West in the Lost in Space movie instead of LeBlanc. Your balls gotta get a new agent!---N)
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
Just got off the phone with my "moms" (mine and Matt's) and I hope everyone was able to do the same.  

And now, THE HATS, Chapter 4...............Uncle Sam Wants YOU!
Glad to hear that my tales so far have sparked many fine memories with my band mates.  This week's chapter should prove to be a favorite:

In our first year together, the band went through many things.  With myself, Matt, Corey and Scott still in high school, jamming was reserved pretty much for the weekends.  Matt and I started to write songs together (a union that would actually produce some good tunes in later years.)  I told Matt that he and I were the Hall and Oates of Tampa................the dark, good looking one with all the talent and the tall, blonde one who sings!  (That was a compliment, right?---N) After graduation, I foolishly moved in with a friend of mine who thought life was all about sleeping late and getting high.  As MY mother wasn't paying my rent, I had to work.  And clean house.  And pretty much baby this guy.  So, 3 months later, I crawled home with my tail between my legs.  Eventually, I decided that the only way I was going to do anything with my life was to join the US Army.  It seems weird to write that, but in looking back, it's true.  It must have made sense to Matt too, because he joined with me.  Counting down the weeks before we left, everyone we saw kept wishing us well.  People we knew well..........people we didn't know so well.  Though we joked about it, those of us in our "clique" (about 10 people in all) never really brought it up. (Oh, I'm sure I tried to talk you out of it!---N) Finally, the time came when we were days away from leaving, and we got together for one last jam session.  Following a great good-bye meal of the aforementioned famous fried chicken, beans and potato salad, we were standing near the keyboard in the dining room when Nolan sat down and began playing the intro to "Come Sail Away" by Styx.  The first thing I thought was..............I didn't know Nolan played keyboards! (Slow...I have to translate from guitar---N) Then, one by one, we began singing.  Slowly, the words hit me.  Matt and I were "sailing away"...........embarking on a journey that would take us literally all over the world.  "I think of childhood friends.......and the dreams we had."  WOW!  That line just blew me away.  Well, when the song finished, we all just kind of stared at each other.  I think we realized that this was it..............the last get time the original HATS would be together.  It was like the end of "Let It Be" without the rooftop concert.  Just then, Corey's dad presented us with copies of a picture he had taken of the band.  On the back, our friends had inscribed some words of wisdom, like the song says, "some happy, some sad."  I kept that picture with me all through basic training, and I still have it on my desk where I write this column.  We last played together (sans Corey) in June 1984.  I have a video of that jam session, and every now and then I pop it in the VCR and give it a look.  Did Matt really make those faces on stage?  Did Scott Van Sickle know he had the coolest hair?  Did Nolan really make those licks look THAT easy?  Was I really that thin?  Yes to all of the above.  My goal is for us to do a 20th Anniversary rendition of "our song."  Even if we sounded terrible, the spirit of the song would survive.  20 Years later, we try...........oh Lord, we try..............to carry on!
  
You certainly sound sure of the date of that video! I thought it was either '83 or '84, depending on the state of camcorders. How do you know for sure it was June?---Nolan.
Let's jump right into the fray, shall we.....

FORRY WINS!!!!
 How wonderful it is for me to be able to report that Forrest Ackerman, creator and former editor of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine, has won his court case against FM publisher Ray Ferry.(Hip Hip Hooraaaaayyyyyy!---N)
 The case was regarding trademark infringement on the use of the name "Dr. Acula". Forry stakes claim to the name (as he created it over 50 years ago and used it every opportunity) yet Ferry was calling himself Dr. Acula in the current FM rag, and claims ownership. This, even though the man wasnt even born when the name was created (he's 45).
 The jury found Ray Ferry GUILTY of trademark infringement, giving total license of the name to it's creator and rightful owner, Forry. In addition, the  jury  found Ackerman's former business associate liable for breach of contract, libel and misrepresentation.
     The jury gave uncle Forry $382,500 in compensatory and $342,000 in punitive damages. Forry's comments echoed justification... "Vindication! Vindication! Dr. Acula lives!"
 Incredibly, Ferry is appealing the decision. His comments are so ridiculously stupid, I'll let them speak for themselves...
 "Mr. Ackerman's case was based entirely on sympathy," Ferry said. "On appeals it's going to get ugly." (Future sales of the current FM to any "classic-heads" like myself are also going to get ugly!---N)
 Someone call the sphincter police, a dickhead has been spotted.
SITES TO SEE
Surfing the other day and found an awsome site that I just must share with you. Nolan can support me on this,,,
 If you havent visited Ray Harryhausen's site yet, please do. Tons of stills you can download..some stuff I've never seen...and I look.(It is something, I agree---N)
 It is  http://lavender.fortunecity.com/judidench/584/index.htm
l And by the way....his site is dedicated to ......yes,
that's right, Forry!
 Also...don't neglet to fill out your All-Star ballot for the upcoming MLB All Star Game. Go to    http://allstarballoting.seasonticket.com/ and be sure to select Cal Ripken Jr. who still manages to amaze.
THE HATS
That last night at Corey's was tough on me. Getting together with the guys sits alone on a plateau that nothing will intrude upon. (Here, here!  Well said.---N) I remember it vividly. Also still have the picture of us jamming...it actually is on my wallpaper. (Desktop or real-life?---N)
 I asked Mrs."C" that night who wrote the "Come Sail Away" lyrics that Mike referred to and she told me it was Mr. "C" (the late, great Leo Castellano).(Uh...I don't know what this is referring to...Mike?---N)
 Remember leaving the house that nite. I was with Mike (hung around him because he had a car), (...and, no doubt, a chick magnet...---N) and I think we went and shot some pool, then went to Krystal (burger joint, folks; are they universal?---N) and checked out the next day's movie times. Before we knew it, we were on our way to AAFEES (stands for....?---N) in Jacksonville...which I will discuss at greater length next week....check back.

Matthew
  I am so relieved that Forry won his case!  Corey and I met Ferry at the FM con in '93 (Mike was there also with his friend Ben) and he really impressed me as sincere. That he got SO MANY incredible celebrities to attend was amazing. I thought, he's gotta be doing something right. Well, time has told a different tale...
  I met Forry a couple of times. Once in 1988 at his "Ackermansion" in Hollywood (ex-Hats Scotty in attendance, as well) and again at the above-mentioned con. He was never anything but sweet and polite, no matter what was erupting around him.  What a great man.
  The HATS: that last night's recording of "Come Sail Away" has GOT to be around here somewhere.  Matt's definitely right about one thing: no matter what else is foggy in our memory, we'll ALWAYS have that one clear as a bell.  What a great time to be alive...then AND now.  You hadda be there.---Nolan.
"Matt's Rail" is © 2000 by Matt Drinnenberg
"Mike's Rant" is © 2000 by Michael A. Smith
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