Letters to the Editor
Nolan's Newsstand
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Matt's Rail
Commentary   My View
News, spews, views
Justice, Jar-Jar, Jar-heads (army chapter), and a surprise review of "The World of Nolan"!
Vol. 1, No. 12.  This edition is for the week of June12---18, 2000.
Mike's Rant
Too much to list! The Leavenworth leviathan is on the loose!
Must begin by sending my sincere hopes, wishes, and prayers to Ronna's family and friends that soon true vengeance will be carried out by the arm of justice and that walking-piece-of-crap murdering scumbag will be sent via electric chair or hanging to his ultimate judge.... Almighty God. There he will undoubtedly receive the fruits of his labor. I'm quite certain we can all count on that. (I'm with Matt.---N)
STAR WARS EPISODE II (THE JAR JAR MENACE)
Yes folks, it's true.  All of us can look forward to seeing our favorite Star Wars character of all time back on the movie screen. I can only hope the role is given the same screen time as Darth Maul in Phantom Menace, which was incredibly insufficient in my view (Maul, not Biggs). (How funny. Mike made the same mistake: it's "Binks", not "Biggs."---N) Lucas truly struck out on that one. Maybe it's just me, but the BEST scenes in the Star Wars movies have always been the ones with the darkest undertones. He could have done so much better. (Can't tell HIM that---N)
WE'RE IN THE ARMY NOW
Most people who think back to their military days look back with anguish that they made such a stupid decision in the first place. I must admit that I enjoyed most of it. Mainly because Mike and I were in the same platoon in basic training. I'm smiling as I think about Mike saying something while standing at parade rest and our drill sergeant saying "You got somethin' to say, fatboy". Mike said "No, drill sergeant", then looked at me, smiled and said "I love it". This would be just the beginning, and I'll give you
another "basic moment" next time. (All I can picture is you guys in "Full Metal Jacket", Private Pyle!---N)
AND LASTLY....THE WORLD OF NOLAN
Yes, Nolan, I have been given a rundown of your first episode by someone we both know. His name is Daniel. (How awesome! I never thought of that. Daniel is Matt's nephew here in Tampa.---N) Yes, it's true, Daniel was channel surfing and saw you on TV. Stopped. Listened. And stayed. From what he tells me, it was a great success. Congrats!  (Thanks, Matt...and Daniel!---N) I'm certain that any decent caring friend would ship out a video immediately to his favorite columnists. Eh, Mike?

  Oh, yeah, ahem......will do!  Seriously,  I am in the process of making copies now for all my friends who live out-of-state or who don't have cable TV.  Believe it or not, even I had to get a copy off the air, because the dub rack at Public Access was and is broken.  Of the 3 broadcasts I taped, they managed to mangle my opening theme song on all 3!  So, before I make any "keeper" copies for anybody, I have to re-dub my theme song (yes, that I wrote) to my best master tape. Fortunately, that's a pretty easy fix.
  I'm very happy Daniel was pleased enough with the show to tell you about it. I hope other Drinnenbergs were around too!---Nolan.
Hey,
  Not a lot, but it's mine:
  Greetings dear readers.  I hope you will indulge me for a few lines.  I promised Nolan that I would not be morbid, and I don't wish to take away from the usual humorous content of this page.  I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate this column to my former wife's cousin, Ronna Franklin, who died tragically almost 4 years ago.  This Monday, her husband Mike will stand trial for her murder, and I hope with all my heart that the wheels of justice turn in the right direction.  Ronna and her brother Greg flew to Kansas from California 20 years ago to attend my wedding, and a nicer person I have never met.  My best man was so smitten with her that he wrote a song about her.  Matt, if you have a copy of it on tape somewhere, I'd love to give it to her family.  One day her son will get to listen to it and know how special his Mom was.  For those of you interested in reading about the case, go the web site of the Sacramento Bee newspaper, www.sacbee.com  and type "Ronna Franklin" in the search engine. 'Nuff said.  Thanks, chief!  (No problem. I also hope that justice is swift and severe!---N)
IN OUR LAST ISSUE
  Nolan, FYI:  My father was a contractor and in fact I helped him put the roof on the Holiday Inn on Dale Mabry near Tampa Stadium. (Now he tells me!---N) Next time you need a roof, I'll hook you two up.  He spends too much time fishing now as it is! (God
does not subtract from a man's life expectancy the hours he spends fishing. Old Florida saying, I think.---N)
  Funny that Matt should mention he was listening to the Ramones.  The other day, I played an old "HATS" tape for my son and he shocked me by not only recognizing, but singing along with, the Ramones song "Sedated."  Wow!  (What can I say? The kid has class!---N)
  I am not anti-stand-up comedian (unless you mention Carrot Top).  Hell, Gallagher went to my high school. (Reason enough.---N)  I just think that Bob Hope has pretty much lived out his life.  I would love to live to an old age, but not to the extent that I'm just sitting around waiting to die. (The sad thing is being tabloid fodder.---N)  If you want to talk about anti-comedian, just mention the name "George Burns" to Scott Gilbert.  Hoo boy, you would have thought the old man had stolen Gracie from him. (I'd love to mention ANYTHING to the elusive and hermitic Scott Gilbert.---N)
  Sorry to see you voted for "Corvette Summer."  I think the one-two whammy of that film and "Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia" pretty much sealed the non-"Star Wars" movie career of Mark Hamil, tho I thought he did well in "The Big Red One."  "Corvette Summer" was also the last major film appearance of Partridge Family Bad Boy Danny Bonaduce.  At least Annie Potts still has a career. (I wasn't serious about "Corvetter Summer".  I liked it at the time, tho.---N)
  I did not mean to endorse underage drinking in my last column.  While we spent many a weekend night in such places as the Ohio Bar in Tampa, we were not really drinkers.  To this day, I can nurse a beer for hours. (Rum-and-coke for me, please. ---N)  I have encouraged my son not to drink until he is of legal age, and even then I hope he doesn't find a need for it.  I myself have not had alcohol since March 1999, and I only remember the date because I was in Las Vegas at a convention.  
  Unfortunately, not ALL of our escapades ended in romance.  I just like to tell the stories that do!  (And exaggerate the rest. LOL!--N)
GOOD THING KARL CHILDERS WASN'T THERE
  A tip of the hat to Mrs Billy Bob Thornton herself, Angelina Jolie, who took talk show host Jay Leno to task earlier in the week.  Appearing on the show to promote her new film, "Gone in 60 Seconds," Jolie presented Leno with a typewritten list of past jokes Leno had told about Jolie, including incestuous comments about her brother.  "I want you to read these out loud for my mother," Jolie said of the jokes.  Leno tried to backpedal, telling her it went with being a celebrity, but Jolie would have none of it.  She called Leno's jokes dumb and pathetic, then stated that her and Billy Bob "don't even watch your show.  We're doing much more interesting things at home!"  To quote "Slingblades" main man Karl, "Mmm Hmm."  (Was she trying to end on an ironic note?---N)
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCEED
  Kudos to the folks at Warner Brothers who will take the unprecedented step of re-releasing the Michael Douglas film "Wonder Boys" in October.  The film, which drew raves for both Douglas and director Curtis Hanson, will feature a new marketing campaign that will focus more on the story and younger cast members.  The main poster and advertising for the film featured a grizzled, dishelved Douglas as the main attraction.  Apparently the studio hopes the new campaign will get more people in to see this much underseen film.
TRAILER OF THE WEEK
  I can hardly wait for the Thanksgiving release of the Ron Howard film, "The Grinch," starring Jim Carrey.  Those of you who have seen "Mission Impossible 2" should have seen the brief sneak of this film.  This film should prove to be one of Howard's biggest hits.  Unfortunately, like Rob Reiner and, for some extent, James L. Brooks, Ron Howard for some reason is not taken seriously as a director by his peers in the Academy.  At least Brooks has an Oscar for directing "Terms of Endearment," but was passed over completely for "Broadcast News" and "As Good As It Gets."  Reiner should have been nominated for "Misery" and "A Few Good Men" at the very least, and Howard has been passed over for such films as "Cocoon," "Backdraft" and "Apollo 13," for which he received the Director's Guild of America award.
  On the other side of the coin, the advance trailer for "Blair Witch 2" has been repeatedly heckled in theatres all across the country.  I'll never understand the reasoning that EVERY successful film has to have a sequel.  Sometimes they work (the "Star Wars," "Godfather" and "Lethal Weapon" films, not to mention 007), but more often then not, they stink.  I mean, come on, who in the hell green lit the script for "Speed 2?"  If you are going to have the word "Speed" in your title, you shouldn't set your film on a slow moving cruise ship.  People were drawn into the "event" that "Blair Witch" became, and many of them were not too happy with the results.  But, to paraphrase the tag line for "Godzilla".....................HYPE is everything!

See you next week!!

Then again, two of the most hyped movies ever, "Lost in Space" and your example (ironically), "Godzilla", were colossal failures despite the hype.  But they, along with, say "Speed 2" and their ilk can always look forward to strong opening weekends because of the hype. I expect the same for "Blair Witch 2". I'm relieved you had a positive reaction to Jim Carrey's Grinch. Nobody I know (besides yourself) has seen that trailer. It seemed a high-risk project, big names notwithstanding.  But Ron Howard prevails. And yes, Opie Taylor still hasn't "arrived" to much of Hollywood, and it's a disgrace.---Nolan.
"Matt's Rail" is © 2000 by Matt Drinnenberg.
"Mike's Rant" is © 2000 by Michael A. Smith
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