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This Week's PCR Movie Review |
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"Eight-Legged Freaks"
Movie review by: Movies are rated 0 to 4 stars
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Frontpage La Floridiana Digital Divide Matt's Rail Mike's Rant Archives 2002 2001 2000 Crazed Fanboy PCR 2002 Home | |
Let me start by saying that I HATE SPIDERS! Following a traumatizing spider event when I was a child, I have always been terrified by them. Remember the scene in "Annie Hall" where Woody Allen's character tries to kill a spider in the bathroom with a tennis racquet? In my opinion, he was under-supplied. He needed a shotgun! As do the residents of Prosperity, Arizona, which finds itself overrun with giant, mutated spiders.
Following a traffic mishap which causes a barrel of toxic waste to end up in the local lake, we are introduced to the local eccentric who happens to run a "Unique Spider Ranch." We are quickly given a lesson in all of the types of spiders in the area by the young son of the town's sheriff, who, of course, is a true hottie. Feeding his spiders crickets that have been found down by the contaminated lake, the spider rancher is pleased to see that they are growing at a rapidly increased rate. Of course, he's none too happy about the situation when he finds out that bigger spiders need bigger food and the crickets just aren't doing it for them anymore!
Enter the "son who left for better things but now realizes everything he wanted was right in his own backyard" played by David Arquette. Turns out his father was looking for gold in the underground mines, but died before he could make his fortune.
What a coincidence that he was also the former love interest of the above-mentioned sheriff.
Thus builds the love story, which soon takes a back seat when the overgrown creepy crawlers descend on the town. And these aren't just your standard daddy long legs. Every type of hideous spider is represented here; tarantulas, jumpers, web spinning orb spiders! As they grow in size, they begin to help themselves to a variety of snacks, from neighborhood cats and dogs to a tasty ostrich or two. Does Arquette and company save the day? Guess you'll have to see for yourself!
As mutant spider movies go, this one delivers all of the chills you'd expect. Arquette and his co-stars seem to understand that this is a tongue-in-cheek story, and appear glad to let you in on the fun. As for the spiders and their ensuing carnage, kudos to all responsible, including our very own Corey Castellano. Every time a new species showed up, I would mutter, "oh my God" out loud and pull my knees a little closer to me. Definite scary stuff!
If you like your spiders big and your camp quotient high, then this is the film to see.
Eight-Legged Freaks Mike's synopsis and take on the movie as a whole are exemplary, and I'd just like to add a couple things of my own to it.
I myself was not that taken with the film and, altho Mike only gave it 2½ stars, I find it hard to give it more than 2.
Basically, the movie wants to be "Tremors" but just never quite achieves it. The chief aim seems to be a send-up of late-70s B-movies, which frequently themselves were send-ups of late 50's B-movies. "Tremors" nailed that pretty well. "Mars Attacks" sort of did. "Eight-Legged Freaks" certainly aspires to.
The problem for me was too many cartoon-like character parts like the wide-eyed, slack-jawed, dim-witted deputy to set off the sexy sheriff, or the "wild old man with a pitchfork" who pops up every now and then for comic relief. I found that all too obvious to properly translate as "homages". Other characters came and went with no introduction, explanation, or development before being killed off or "cocooned".
Two exceptions: The "Spider-Guy" mentioned above in Mike's review is played by Tom Noonan, who you may remember as the tall, bald crook "Cain" in Robo-Cop II (at least I think that's him...I couldn't find him on the IMDB). He's very creepy, but his screen presence is short-lived. Shockingly, even David Arquette ("...dial down the center, C-A-L-L A-T-T!!") showed a serious, somber side as the dark, moody heir to the stalled gold-mine business. Other stand-out peformances were Kari Wuhrer and Scarlett Johanson as Sheriff Sam Parker and her daughter Ashley, respectively.
The CGI special-effects were terrific in most places, glaringly obvious in others. The practical model effects realized by Bill Johnson, Corey Castellano, and Co. were all superb, wish they'd had more lingering screen time. As mentioned elsewhere in the PCR, their screen credits were somehow lost in a management snafu, and, disappointingly, do not appear in the film (but do appear online in the Internet Movie Data Base).
If you want to see the state of the art in CGI FX as applied to a giant spider invasion, go see this movie. Otherwise, I'd say stay home and watch the Volkswagon dressed in a spider-suit in the 70s film, "The Giant Spider Invasion". Or better yet, the original, and still cham-peen giant spider film from the 50s, "Tarantula".
Add'l commentary by Nolan B. Canova
This week's review of "Eight-Legged Freaks" is ©2002 by Michael A. Smith. The add'l commentary on "Eight-Legged Freaks" is ©2002 by Nolan B. Canova. All graphics this page are creations of Nolan B. Canova, ©2002, all rights reserved. All contents of "Nolan's Pop Culture Review" are ©2002 by Nolan B. Canova.
