|
Moon Productions Idea for Film By: Jack Caplan Produced By: Doris Wishman and Jack Caplan Directed By: Doris Wishman (as "Anthony Brooks") Story by: David P. Harmon Screenplay By: O.O. ("Oh! Oh!") Miller (and Doris Wishman) Music By: Daniel Hart, Ralph Young, and Doc Severinsen Sound By: TITRA (I'm not making this up) Filmed in Eastman Color "Moon Doll" Song By: Ralph Young | |
| Starring: | |
|
Cathy/Moon Goddess..........MARIETTA
With: | |
| Run Time: 83 minutes Color | |
The Moriaty Circa '62 Miami Fantasy The Moon Room at the Starlight Lounge Ralph walks up to the mic and starts swooning to the laid-back jazz beat of the Mosquitoes:
The year is 1962. It is early twilight in Key Biscayne, Florida. Outside of the Starlight Lounge, one of Dade County's most swank nightclubs, a pink tail finned Cadillac with its convertible down pulls into the valet parking lot. Out of the Cadillac emerges an attractive young couple. The pale moonlight shows off the beautifully sculpted face of a blonde woman with high cheekbone, bee stung lips. She is decked out in her best Jackie Kennedy full length skirt, long white gloves and bouffant. Her boyfriend sports a gray suit with a narrow black tie. He is also a beautifully sculpted creature with many masculine virtues--a square jaw, small waistline, with his brunette hair neatly cropped in a crew cut. The two walk arm and arm along the curving sidewalk with rustling coconut palms towering above them. The sea breeze is warm and humid, but the air smells fresh. Closer, ever closer they get to the flagstone neon building that looks like a Frank Lloyd Wright masterpiece-- "Take Five" by Dave Brubeck is softly playing through the P.A., hidden amongst the Sea Grapes. The roar of a Pan American Boeing 707 jet clipper breaks the still of the night as its twinkling lights head out over the Atlantic bound for South America. This is a magical night.
Once inside, the couple is seated at a table that has a flickering candle on it. Up to the microphone steps the club's owner. "Good evening and welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Moon Room up the Starlight Lounge (it's called the Moon Room because behind the stage is a giant mural of a moonscape with small twinkling lights that are meant to represent stars)! Tonight we have a special treat for all of you! Tonight on this very stage, along with our regular musicians Bingo, on the guitar, Bango, on the drums, Bongo, on the sax and trumpet, and Irving,on the piano, we are proud to feature a song written by the lovely and talented Judith J. Kirshner and sung by the golden voice of Mister Ralph Young. Ladies and gentlemen, Ralph Young, with the accompaniment of our own Bingo, Bango, Bongo and Irving, better known as the Mosquitoes, present to you the song "Moon Doll"!!!"
Already the young women in the audience start looking longingly into the eyes of their boyfriends, husbands and lovers.
At this point, the eyes of Mister McConahee, the fat bartender, start to mist up.
The shapely waitress carrying the strap-on tray loaded with cigars, cigarettes and tiparellos must stop in order to wipe tears from her eyes and compose herself.
Yes, it is indeed a magical night at the Moon Room at the Starlight Lounge on Rickenbacker Causeway in Key Biscayne, Florida.
Thunderous applause fills the swank dining establishment--this will definitely be a special evening.
Three Months later the Cuban Missile Crises would emerge...
Oh well, it was a wonderful fantasy while it lasted!
Goin' Back To Miami!
This is possibly one of the greatest tacky movies ever made in the history of humankind. Produced by la bad cinema magnate Doris Wishman (who also produced the Schlockarama gem "Bad Girls Go To Hell") the entire movie is filmed in circa 1962 Miami-Dade County. Miami at its zenith-- before the days of the cocaine cowboys, out of control growth and excessive crime. Those were the halcyon days of Arthur Godfrey, Bob Hope, Jackie Gleason, Big Wilson and other all-but forgotten Miami icons.
Our movie starts out at the old Eastern Air Lines hanger off of N.W. 36th Street (that was sadly torn down about three years ago) with a Lockheed Constellation in the background, where we see rocket scientist Dr. Jeff Huntley (hereinafter referred to as "Jeff") with a giant grin on his face. He plops into his convertible and races past the Royal Castle restaurant on LeJeune to use a pay phone to call Professor Nichols (hereinafter referred to as "Burger Chef"). There are beautifully menacing South Florida storm clouds in the distance. "Professor, it's the greatest thing that's ever happened! Uncle Ted died, made a fortune in the fur business, and left it all to me!"
It Doesn't Take a Rocket Scientist To...
And just what did Uncle Ted leave Jeff? Try three million dead presidents! Yes, this will be enough jack for Burger Chef and Jeff to build their own rocket ship and fly to the moon! No public funding for the arts here--no sirree! In just six months after long hours and lots of black coffee, Burger Chef and Jeff will be leaving terra firma some seven years before Apollo 11 to actually be the first on the moon. Jeff hugs the secretary named Kathy with joy-only problem is that Jeff's dough ain't riz in the romance department and Kathy would like more than just a little hug from the ol' boy as his interest is limited to slide rules and beakers. After that we here embarrassing sounds from the beakers as Burger Chef and Jeff feverishly work on their formulas for a flawless lunar flight.
I'm Goin' to Buy Me a Mercury--Cruise Up and Down That Road
On the last day of their hard work, Burger Chef and Jeff cruise up and down the circa '62 versions of the Miracle Mile in Coral Gables, the roundabout where LeJeune meets Cutler Rd. and the Ingraham Highway, the Rickerbacker Causeway in Key Biscayne, the Venetian Causeway in Miami Beach, many rain slicked from the South Florida summer thunderstorms. Finally they arrive out in the Glades where their spaceship awaits!
It Doesn't Take a Rocket Scientist To...
Burger Chef and Jeff climb up the stairs to the rocket ship that has a cabin door and cockpit that strangely looks the spittin' image like that of one of the old Constellations parked at the Eastern Air Lines hanger at Miami International Airport. In one of the most hilarious scenes in the movie, the two, seated inches from each other, talk to each other by talking into their headsets! In one of cheesiest space scenes ever, the glorified Bic lighter boogies to the moon.
This sure Doesn't Look Like Kansas!
Lo and behold, upon landing, the moon looks nothing like the barren expanse of rock and sand that we thought it would--no, in fact, it's a lush subtropical paradise that looks exactly like the Coral Castle in Homestead, Florida filled with nekkid people. Why? Because most of this movie was filmed at the Coral Castle in Homestead, Florida, and it was filled with nekkid people as it was at that time a nudist camp, and the only way that nudity would be allowed in American movies at that time was to have it be filmed at "naturalist camps". Wishman, always a pioneer at finding new ways to exploit things found a great loophole for her "sexploitation" movies in this.
Burger Chef peers down the Castle's crescent moon while nubile young thangs bounce and jiggle while playing volleyball. Jeff gets out his Brownie Instamatic and starts photographic the frolicking for the sake of science (yeah, right). Before you can say "Princess Ardalla", the natives use a wand on Burger Chef and Jeff that temporarily knocks them out. As they awaken they see the nekkid nubiles in Maxfield Parrish poses playing games throughout the Coral Castle grounds. It plays out some kind of pagan bacchanalia or celebration as the Coral Castle beautifully lends itself to the theme of the heavens and the earth. But remember, these ain't your run of the mill nekkid nubiles--no they're space aliens--wanna know I how? They all have cheesy tin-foil antennas, that's how I know!
Burger Chef has to keep reminding Jeff why they're there as Jeff is getting the hots for the Queen who looks a lot like a nekkid version of Kathy back home. "Remember what we came here for! Don't forget were scientists!" Aw c'mon Burger Chef, you gave the guy a load of crap before you left Miami about how he was married to his slide rule and his beakers--give the guy a break!
Goin' Back To Miami!
Burger Chef was getting concerned because their oxygen supplies were getting low and he was finding it difficult to peel Jeff's tongue off of the Miami Oolite as he continued to drool over the wares (or underwears) of the Queen. Once back in the ship, and heading back down Interstate 95, Burger Chef came to the realization that he left behind his moonstones and Jeff left behind his Brownie Instamatic. The evidence of their journey would be gone!
Three Months later the Cuban Missile Crises would emerge--oh well, it was a wonderful fantasy while it lasted!
|
The movie synopsis and review of "Nude On The Moon" is ©2003 by William Moriaty. "Schlockarama™" is a part of Crazed Fanboy™ dotcom and all contents are ©2003 by Nolan B. Canova
|