Movie review by William Moriaty
Mercifully, this late '50’s fodder for the drive in theaters is 72 and not the customary 90 minutes in length.
The story revolves around the murderous misdeeds of a poor man’s “Creature of the Black Lagoon” who resides in the caves that dot the shoreline of the Pacific Ocean village of Piedras Blancas.
When the creature’s not hibernating by day in his subterranean abode, he’s ripping the heads off of its hapless, helpless, hopeless victims. The reprehensible reptilian renegade first removes the noggins of the Rinaldi brothers. It next unleashes its murderous mayhem on Mr. Kochek, the village’s superstitious (but dead-on accurate) storekeeper who warns the citizenry about the “legendary” beast.
So begins a full-blown investigation by the local constable and his doctor buddy. A young biologist named Fred who has the hots for Lucy, the nubile daughter of the angry loner lighthouse keeper, joins them. Fred and Lucy (not Ricky and Lucy) indulge in a bit of submarine race smoochies on the beach and frolic in the surf a la the poor man’s “From Here to Eternity” - - it’s the only exciting scene in the movie...
Next on the scaly sea serpent’s hit list is a seven-year-old girl, followed by a local yokel, Eddie, who works at the village choke and puke, the Wings Cafe. In the second best scene of the movie, the monster proudly displays poor Ed’s head as he pushes the dead pan (or bed pan) constable after he bolts out the meat locker door of the general store after wolfing down the remains of Mr. Kochek.
In an admission of guilt, the lightkeeper admits to his daughter that for the past ten years (after he sent her off to a boarding school, fearing that she would be eaten by “pretty boy Piedras”) that he had left meat scraps on a nightly basis as the critter was his only “buddy” since the villagers real quick-like came to the conclusion that the nautical nit-wit was an angry loner.
...Bet you just want to rush right out and get a copy of this cinematic tour-de-force, huh? Actually, when faced with cabin fever while a hurricane (Frances in this case) is raging outdoors, the movie really ain’t all that bad a diversion.
Ooooohhhh.... The lights just went out - - what’s that scaly form outside the window?
Aw heck, it’s just some drunk Plant City redneck...
Go home, you silly peckerwood, can’t you see there’s a hurricane raging around you!?
Favorite lines:
Constable at scene of the Rinaldi Brothers murder: “Okay folks go on home now, this is not a Roman Holiday!”
Mr. Kochek to Lightkeeper: “Have you not heard of the legend of the Monster of Piedras Blancas?”
Fred and Lucy at the beach: Fred: “I feel like a kept man!” Mr. Kochek to Constable and Doctor: “Have you not heard of the legend of the Monster of Piedras Blancas?”
A Vanwick Production
Screenplay By: C. Haile Chace
Produced By: Jack Kevan
Directed By: Irvin Berwick
Starring:
The Doctor (Jorgenson).....................LES TREMAYNE
The Constable (Madsen)....................FORREST LEWIS
The Lighthouse Keeper (Sturgis)......JOHN HARMON
The Storekeeper (Kochek)................FRANK ARDVISON
The Girl (Lucy)..................................JEANNE CARMEN
The Boy (Frank).................................DON SULLIVAN
With
Pete Dunn
Joseph La Cava
Wayne Berwick
And the Monster of Piedras Blancas
Run Time: 72 minutes
B&W
Fred: “You fix the grub ma’am!”
Lucy: “You sound like a drug store cowboy!”
Fred: “Flattery will get you nowhere!”
Lucy: “I’ve noticed!”
Lucy: “Don’t worry I’ll get it back several times!”
The movie synopsis and review of "The Monster of Piedras Blancas" is ©2004 by William Moriaty. "Schlockarama™" is a part of Crazed Fanboy™ dotcom and all contents are ©2004 by Nolan B. Canova