LA FLORIDIANA Two La Floridianas, Photographically Revisited  by Will Moriaty
THIS WEEK'S MOVIE REVIEW "Lost In Translation"  by Mike Smith
ODDSERVATIONS VH1's Bands Re-United, Part 2: Frankie Goes To Hollywood  by Andy Lalino
BLACK DOG The Ranting, The Raving....Michael Jackson....White Wolf Games  by Joshua Montgomery
THE ENLIGHTENMENT Pirate Movies for Gasparilla  by Terence Nuzum
MATT'S RAIL Riding The Ferry-Go-Round....The Masters Of Horror  b Matt Drinnenberg
MIKE'S RANT You're Outta Here....How About That Superbowl?....Meet The Beatles, Part 4  by Mike Smith
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Yes. Yes. I once again have come to save all you poor souls from another great holiday-turned-money whore. This time around it's for our fellow Tampans. Yes, by that I mean the once great Pirate festival, Gasparilla. It may have once been fun (at least when I was little, or for that matter even 5 years ago), but now it has turned into an excuse for publicity and people to get drunk off their asses. So you won't catch me there (though I occasionally frequent the night parade--that's my hypocrisy acting up again). In any event, there are ways to still celebrate this unique Florida holiday. Of course, by watching tons of swashbuckler flicks! And below I've listed a whole booty of greats. OK, well, actually there aren't that many great pirate movies but these are the best.....

5. Errol Flynn in The Sea Hawk & Captain Blood: I haven't actually seen these myself but they are based on books by Raphael Sabitini and are supposed to be among the best of the genre. Especially Captain Blood.

4. Pirates of the Caribbean -- Curse of the Black Pearl: It adds a bit of supernatural fun to the pirate mythos but still manages to keep it basically a swashbuckler. Depp's foppish pirate captain is unique to cinema and the battles are great. While the swordplay isn't spectacular it's still decent enough to keep things exciting. Also, Geoffrey Rush gives us perhaps the best screen pirate ever in the character of Barbossa. In all the movie gives the flavor of an old-fashioned swashbuckler of yore.

3. Treasure Island (1934 version): Wallace Beery and Jackie Cooper nailed their roles in this 1930's version of R.L. Stevenson's classic. From the scenes of the pirates arriving at the tavern, the mutiny on the Hispaniola, the island standoff, and Long John Silver's final goodbye, this movie packs a punch and delivers hearty adventure like only the movies back then could.

2. The Black Swan: Again another great Sabitini adaptation and perhaps the greatest of the classic pirate films. Tyrone Power may not be the most perfect choice for a pirate but add tavern fights, ship battles, swordfights, a great villain played by George Sanders, and a Jamaican local and you have a adventure masterpeice. And it even has Captain Morgan in it!

1. Cutthroat Island: The film that literally bankrupted Carolco due to poor box office timing has now become somewhat of a cult favorite and not without reason. For pirate afficiandos, this is the one. It has the best ship battles, sprawling swordfights that are unequaled, plank walking, Port Royal hangings, slave trading, and well, everything you would associate with pirates and the high seas. Renny Harlin took from the past classics and built a monster of an adventure film so much that it bankrupted a whole company. Hey, but it shows.

There it is now...pop open some rum, drag in some wenches, and stay away from that awful money whore, the once great Gasparilla.