Meanwhile on Mars...
Surrounded by young nubile maidens, the King of Mars (played by "Monster Mash" performer Bobby "Boris" Pickett) has his tranquility interrupted by his Astrologer (played by "Monster Mash" performer Bobby "Boris" Pickett) who predicts that Mars is about to run out of air.

The King, who sounds a lot like Henny Youngman, then declares that he will consult with Brainex for advice. Brainex is a silly little creature that appears in a glass ball urging the King to call for the Lobster Man.

Soon the Lobster Man enters the King's cave, forcing the following reaction from the King - - "What schtinks in heah? Hooey, I schmell fish! I hate fish!" to which the lobster Man responds "I haven't had soft food since I was a mere crayfish!"

The Lobster Man is ordered to leave for the Earth in order to begin to steal our air. He is to take a creature named "Mombo" that looks a whole lot like Ro-Man from the 50's tacky classic, "Robot Monster", to "keep him in line".

John and Mary on a Deserted Highway
An attractive young couple named John and Mary find themselves traveling down a deserted highway when lo and behold a spacecraft flies overhead. John finds that his watch no longer works and as the couple passes by "Zip's Last Chance Gas and Grub", their car conks out. He points toward a nearby cave and exclaims, "It must've crashed in there!"

The couple goes to investigate and sure enough, in the deep recesses of the cave is the alien spaceship. "I say it's a real live U.F.O.! Go get the camera!" says John, "I'll bet that's from Mars!"

Sight unseen, the Lobster Man hitches a ride by getting into the trunk of John and Mary's car.

Tommy Sledge, P.I.
John and Mary drive to "Zip's Last Chance Gas and Grub" to call the Authorities about their sighting. They are being watched by local gumshoe Tommy Sledge. John contacts Colonel Ankrum who answers "Military Intelligence, Unexplained Phenomena Division!" And goes on to say "Listen fella, there is no such thing!" immediately hangs up on John and then blurts out "Get me the Pentagon!"

A Blow Out
As John and Mary continue their journey to nowhere, one of the car's tires blow out. "Great! We got a spare but no jack!" They limp the car into the nearest mechanic's. After the two leave the mechanics to drop off the roll of film with the spacecraft on it, the mechanic opens the trunk as a claw reaches up to the mechanic and we hear the Lobster Man yell "Gotcha!"

Later on, another mechanic is eating his sandwich when two goofy looking bat/lobster creatures go flying out of his stomach.

...Back at "Zip's Last Chance Gas and Grub"
Diner regular redneck Rufus tries getting free coffee out of the owner. While the owner goes back to stir a new pot for the dimwit, the Lobster Man skeletonizes poor Rufus. All that is left of him besides his bones is his CAT hat. "Uh-Oh!" says Zip to himself who then throws the container of coffee grounds straight up and is next skeletonized by the Dreaded Lobster Man.

...Back at J.P. Shelldrake
The film inadvertently burns and as the projectionist repairs the tape, Shelldrake rolls his eyes, turns to young Horowitz and exuberantly declares that it's the best film he's ever seen...

T.V. News At Its Best
Relaxing on a bed at a hotel, John and Mary watch the local news which features a black and white segment with an investigative reporter named Dick Strange who sounds a lot like Rod Serling - - "Men from Mars or a Cruel Hoax? Is this (photos of the skeletonized Rufus and Zip are shown) the work of Martians or natural causes?" John next sees his Uncle, Professor Fred Plocostomos, an astronomer, being interviewed by Strange about the incident.

A Tiger in your Tank
John and Mary go back to the mechanic's to pick up their car. The mechanic looks and acts different, although John and Mary are blissfully unaware of it. He has light emanating from his eyes and says "It.....is......ready......sir....." John asks how much the charge was for the work. "There.....is......no........charge.....sir....." Their car leaves the shop with Tommy Sledge hot on their trail.

An Interrupted Road Trip To Professor Plocostomos
John and Mary begin their drive to John's "Uncle Freddy's" lab when the Lobster Man and Mombo intercept them. The flying bats knew where John and Mary were going and informed Mombo earlier. A fight, straight out of a Three Stooges featurette ensues between John and Mombo. The couple escapes to the Professor's lab. John tells his Uncle "One was a gorilla, the other a giant lobster!" to which Plocostomos responds, "Which one was in charge?"

Lobster Man Rampage
Dr. Demento exclaims that "His appetite for perversion has no limits!" as the Lobster Man is seen knocking at doors then chasing young nubile women out of their showers. The Dreaded creature then skeletonizes Nose-O the Clown during one of his kiddy cartoon T.V. performances. "They got Nose-O! I'm calling the Authorities!"

Colonel Ankrum and Sergeant Schwartz to the Rescue!
Prompted by the skeletonizing of Nose-O the Clown, Colonel Ankrum and his aide Sergeant Schwartz storm Lobster Man's cave dwelling hideout. Schwartz is skeletonized and Ankrum throws Schwartz's skeletal remains over his shoulder and heads to Professor Plocostomos' for help.

Being the scientific egg-headed type, Plocostomos does not call on the military, instead he calls on "Skipper Bruce", the "best lobster fisherman I know" to catch the 6' tall Martian. Skipper Bruce and Colonel Ankrum show up. Ankrum still has the remains of Schwartz draped over his shoulder "...and this is what is left of my trusty aide, Sergeant Schwartz!" winces Ankrum.

Suddenly one of the flying bat/lobster creatures enters the Professor's lab. Skipper Bruce is bitten by it and presumed dead as a result, while Ankrum exclaims that "I put fifty slugs in it! It's deader than a sonofabitch!" Plocostomos screams back "Do you think you can kill an alien space bat with bullets?! Phthaaa!"

John then asks, "What can we do?"

"What can we do?" Ankrum retorts, "We can flush it down the toilet! In WWII we flushed first and asked questions later!"

Then the answer to the question became apparent. Just how does one kill a 6' tall Lobster Man from Mars?

Pour boiling water on it, how else?

Memorable Lines
Just about every line in this movie is a winner, but here are some of my favorites:

Tommy Sledge P.I. "You need to jump start your gray cells!"

Tommy Sledge P.I. "I'm just another passer-by from Palooka Ville!"

Colonel Ankrum to Professor Plocostomos: "At 21:00 hours, that's 9:00pm to you, KABOOM!"

Colonel Ankrum to Professor Plocostomos: "Looks like the geyser got him!" to which the Professor responds, "It wasn't the geyser, the Lobster got too crabby!"

Trivia

• Orson Wells came up with the title for this movie. He agreed to produce the film, but died prior to its production.
• Director Steven Sheff and Producer Steven S. Greene treated the entire cast and crew to a lobster dinner on the last day of shooting.
• Tony Curtis stated in his autobiography that he worked on this movie because he needed the $100,000 to make child support payments.

The movie synopsis and review of "Lobster Man From Mars" is ©2004 by William Moriaty. "Schlockarama™" is a part of Crazed Fanboy™ dotcom and all contents are ©2004 by Nolan B. Canova Crazed Fanboy  |  Schlock Homepage