These are the very first words to appear in "Triggerfish Twist". It is the story of the Davenport family-Jim, the father, Martha, the mother, and their three children. Hailing from Logansport, Indiana, Jim Davenport accepts a transfer to his company's newly opened Tampa branch. Jim is a rock solid, salt of the earth man of honor and integrity. But everything that he knew about social norms and tolerances in the heartland of Indiana's Midwest was about to meet head on with a new paradigm known as south Tampa!

Welcome to the Sunshine State
Tim Dorsey's insights into the Florida experience circa 1990's and 2000's are unparalleled. Here's an example of such insight-for instance, ever been to the Welcome Center on Interstate 75 just south of the Georgia border? It goes something like this:

"Outside the rest rooms, a restless crowd gathered in front of an eight-foot laminated map of Florida, unable to accept the fact that they were still hundreds of miles from the nearest theme park. They would become even more bitter when they pulled away from the welcome center, and the artificial grove of palms gave way to hours of scrubland and billboards for topless doughnut shops."

(Incidentally, I'll bet you never knew your intrepid La Floridiana author had to did battle with the owner of those topless doughnut shops last year. Read about my professional exploits in "Details on the Misadventures of the D.O.T. in Florida (formerly "Pardon Our Dust") to be seen on the Web Site" www.dumbassdot.com Written by the owner of "Café Risque" and "Café Erotica", although at times suffering from glaring errors and omissions, I find his web site to be both entertaining and comedic. If you want to cure your insomnia, however, you can click onto "another D.O.T. loss" and "D.O.T.'s response to yet another loss", which are also on that web site, and read the results of an Administrative Hearing featuring yours truly and the webmeister/topless establishment owner. But I digress-back to "Triggerfish Twist.")

Ennywho, the Davenport family moves to 888 Triggerfish Lane in south Tampa. They are greeted by well meaning but nosey neighbor Gladys Plant, who is an alleged descendent of railroad magnate Henry B. Plant. She points out to Jim and Martha the other members of the community, and in short order Jim and Martha can tell that they ain't in Kansas any more!

	"Triggerfish Twist--A Novel" author Tim Dorsey with Florida survival gear on the frontage road north of South Gandy Park in God's own south Tampa. The speed limit sign has been "adjusted" during book jacket production to reflect more true-to-life values.
	Parked on the exact same frontage road north of South Gandy Park in God's own south Tampa (with similarly stormy skies), "La Floridiana" author William Moriaty holds onto Dorsey's first two novels "Florida Roadkill" and "Hammerhead Ranch Motel", also Florida survival gear. The speed limit sign is the actual one at that location.

For instance, there's neighbor Jim Russell Terrier who owns an out-of-control pit bull named "Rasputin". Terrier has an insatiable turfgrass maintenance fetish. At four A.M. each night, he dresses up in camouflage fatigues, waters his lawn (breaking local watering restrictions of course) and hand clips each blade of grass in his beloved St. Augustine yard. Then there's a van that drives into the community with a driver serving summons to neighbors in the most unique of ways. A magnetic sign attached to the van says, "Insult to Injury Process Servers" to which Gladys Plant points out that the business is "A malignant version of the singing telegram." As the three stand watching, a mime presenting a neighbor with a summons ends up being chased around the neighbors yard. The mime takes silly exaggerated strides to try to escape the wrath of the neighbor, but gets knocked out when the neighbor's bowling trophy makes contact with the mime's silent head.

He Knows South Tampa Too Well
I was conceived in the Isle of Pines in Cuba, born on Davis Islands, and graduated from T.R. Robinson High School in south Tampa in 1973. One thing that all south Tampa denizens and I know all too well about is the effect of summer thunderstorms on our local streets (do those of you south Tampans remember Gandy and Manhattan after a heavy rain? [Or Dale Mabry and Henderson---Yikes!---N]). Dorsey again hits this issue square on the jaw:

"A light sprinkle fell on south Tampa the next afternoon, which meant all the streets flooded. The storm-sewer system wouldn't work, but the city budget was strained and the money was needed to expand the mayor's office and build another football stadium."

This flood event would influence Jim Davenport's life as the flood damaged Suburban that he purchases defectively discharges a passenger side air bag, killing a thug who had car-jacked Jim seconds before planning to shoot Jim dead. This is where the joy ride for Jim Davenport begins-where the Sunshine State throws every indignity imaginable at this pious and rock solid pillar of the community. Once news has spread that outlaw "Skag" McGraw was accidentally killed, three of his redneck inbred brothers put Jim on their hit list. The next misfortune for poor Jim Davenport is that shortly after his transfer to Tampa, the company he worked for was bought out in a hostile takeover. Jim's efficient reports for his former employer were humanely and professionally written -- something the new company had no use for -- therefore they had no use for Jim and fired him. But that's not all! A disgruntled laid off bank employee named John Milton sees the name "Jim Davenport" on a copy of the efficiency report responsible for his being fired. Jim's new company altered Davenport's report, but that wouldn't stop John Milton for seeking revenge against our hero! With a wife and three kids to support, Davenport gets a job at the Sam's Club on Dale Mabry south of Gandy.

Meet Your New Neighbors
With all of these circumstances conspiring against Jim Davenport, all he needs is even more excitement! And that's just what he gets in the likes of new neighbor and Florida Folk Hero Serge A. Storms. Storms, a psychotic native Floridian with a great command of Florida history and trivia, has been in Dorsey's previous three novels. Storms brings his doper roommates Sharon and Coleman, who were both featured in Dorsey's first novel "Florida Roadkill", with him. How will the likes of Jim Davenport and Serge Storms get along? Will this be the ultimate in "When Worlds Collide?" There's only one way to find out-you've got to buy "Triggerfish Twist-A Novel", which is without a doubt Dorsey's most hilarious, fast paced book to date.

The Guy's Got Taste Too!
In addition to a history lesson that Serge Storms shares with us about the Crosstown Inn at Gandy and Dale Mabry, we get to meet FDLE gumshoe, Detective Mahoney. Mahoney, an irreverent cop with a heart of gold is also a Florida history buff like Storms. Mahoney wants to nail Storms but he understands the dynamics of Storms's incredible personality and psychology. As hunger pangs got the better of Mahoney the following dialogue transpires:

God Bless you, Serge A. Storms and Tim Dorsey--I couldn't agree more (anybody out there remember "The Mexican Burro" restaurant out on Gandy east of Westshore? That's where my tree planting organization was born, and I would find out that one of my dearest acquaintance's relatives owned the joint--the beer and guacamole was incredible! I wonder if Serge ever visited there.)!

Tim Dorsey was born in Indiana 41 years ago. At the age of 1 his family moved to Riviera Beach, Florida. He attended Auburn University, graduating in 1983 with a BS in Transportation. He worked for the Tampa Tribune as a columnist from 1987 to 1999. Visit his website at www.timdorsey.com.

Next week, "La Floridiana" reviews web sites that have articles and interviews about Florida horror actor Joel D. Wynkoop. Stayed tuned!

BUY IT!   At Amazon.com: Triggerfish Twist: A Novel

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"La Floridiana" is ©2002 by William Moriaty.  Webpage design and all graphics herein (except where otherwise noted) are creations of Nolan B. Canova.  All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2002 by Nolan B. Canova.