| |
 |  | |
| Hello gang! Stupid people migrate to Texas, then hit the Midwest, Tonya kicks ass and once again, the greatest nation in the world has egg on its face. Shall we begin? |
|
Frontpage La Floridiana The Enlightenment Movie Review Matt's Rail Mike's homepage Crazed Fanboy home PCR Archives 2002 2001 2000 PCR 2002 Home | |
WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT THE FIGHTS
Well, as I predicted, Tonya Harding beat the hell out of former beak-nosed whiner Paula Jones on Fox TV's "Celebrity Boxing." In earlier bouts, former Partridge Family star Danny Bonaduce kicked former Brady Bunch big man on campus Barry Williams' ass. Even though Williams was 5 years older, I expected a man who has danced on Broadway (and even played a dance instructor on "General Hospital") to have stronger legs and more stamina. Also, Todd "get me my smack or I'll kill you" Bridges handily beat former rapper/chuckle head Vanilla Ice. In one flurry of punches, I was fantasizing that Bridges was channeling the late Freddie Mercury......."and THIS ONE is for bastardizing "Under Pressure" you gangster wanna be!" But the main event was clearly Harding/Jones. And may I say that my girl Tonya did me proud! And she did it all without too much eye shadow!
SAG AWARDS
I really couldn't complain about any of the winners of this years' Screen Actors Guild awards. Thankfully, they didn't cut off Russell Crowe's speech! Was very glad Halle Berry won. The more I think about her performance, the more I rate it as the best this year. As of now, I'm putting the Oscar race between her and Sissy Spacek. But of course, that is this week!
MOVIE NEWS 326,000 THUMBS DOWN MOVING ON STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES The second instance occurred in Kansas City, where three young men attempted to steal a cardboard display from my theatre. I happened to see them and chased them outside. While two of the appeared to be oblivious of me, the one carrying the display heard my footprints behind him, looked back, dropped the display and ran into the woods adjacent the building. As I was walking back to the theatre, I heard someone yell, "Hey, where are you going?" I looked around and saw the thief's two friends standing by their car. They were still unaware of who I was. I radioed one of my employees to call security and then approached them. I pretended to be talking to security on my radio, saying "Yeah, I've got the other two here in the parking lot" as I approached. The two immediately began telling me how they told their friend not to do it, etc. After security arrived, we looked across the parking lot towards the woods and we could see the guy at the edge of the woods. Suddenly, he began making "Woo.......woo" noises, like it wasn't him, but an animal. Finally, I asked security if they could send one of his buddies out to bring him in, which he did. When the guy got back, rather then show any remorse, or apologize for what he did, he started mocking the guards........."Ooooh, I stole a piece of cardboard, I'm in trouble now!" As someone who makes his living promoting films, I thought to myself, you know what........you are in trouble. I instructed security to call the police. We ushered the men inside. When the police arrived, I explained to them what had happened and that, because the guy just thought it was so funny, that I wanted to press charges. When the policeman walked into the room, the guy started up again....."Uh, oh. Here comes Mr. Policeman. Guess I'm going to jail, huh?"
With that, the officer cuffed him, read him his rights and carted him off to jail. My last image is of Mr. Smarty pants crying, saying he was sorry. It also turned out that he had the keys to the car. When the other two men, who were not arrested because they really hadn't taken the display, asked if they could get his keys to drive home, the cop said, "You're both adults. Walk home. I'm having his car towed."
Court date is set for June 11th. I'll keep you informed!
Well, that's it for this week. See ya!
"Mike's Rant" is ©2002 by Michael A. Smith. Webpage design and all graphics herein are creations of Nolan B. Canova. All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2002 by Nolan B. Canova.
BOND 20 WASN'T CATCHY ENOUGH
MGM/UA has announced the title of the 20th film in the James Bond series. "Die Another Day," starring Pierce Brosnan in his fourth appearance as 007 will open nationwide on November 22.
The state of Connecticut has fined Sony Pictures $326,000 for using fake movie reviews attributed to a newspaper in the state. Newspaper ads last summer featured glowing reviews of such films as "A Knights Tale" and "The Animal" from fictitious movie critic David Manning. Sony agreed to stop fabricating movie reviews and will no longer use studio employees, posing as filmgoers, praising the film they have just seen in their television advertising.
I missed a couple of celeb passings the week my computer was down. They were:
SPIKE MILLIGAN: British comedian who, with Peter Sellers, was the most internationally famous member of the Goons, died recently at the age of 83. He had struggled with depression for many years, yet continued to keep Britain laughing. Though Sellers eventually overshadowed him on screen, Milligan, with his sly, dry one-liners was recognized as the backbone of the show.
LAWRENCE TIERNEY: 1940s-era film tough-guy who was best known to modern film fans as the ringleader of the robbers in "Reservoir Dogs" died in his sleep last week. He was 82. Tierney gained fame with his portrayal of the title character in 1945's "Dillinger." In later years, he appeared on such television shows as "Hill Street Blues," "Fame" and "Star Trek: The Next Generation." But it was as Joe Cabot, the mastermind behind the robbery in Quentin Tarrentino's film that he will be remembered for. Tierney's last major role was as Bruce Willis' father in "Armageddon." Unfortunately, all of their scenes together were cut, but you can see him at the wedding at the end of the film.
Two instances of stupidity hit our pages this week. First, in Texas, Fort Worth police filed murder charges against a woman who hit a man with her car, drove home with him stuck in her broken windshield and ignored his cries for help as he bled to death in her garage over the next three days. After the man died, Chante Mallard and some friends dumped the body of Gregory Biggs in a nearby park. Mallard told police that she repeatedly told Biggs, who was stuck headfirst in her windshield, that she was sorry, but he kept asking her to call a doctor, which she refused to do. When informed of the murder charge, her attorney replied that it was "overreaching on the prosecutors part. I believe this is simply a case of failure to stop and render aid!"