Hello, gang! What a week! 99% great! Thank you, Delta Airlines, for fucking up the last 1%. Shall we begin?

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REUNION!!
Wow! What a great time was had by all this past weekend in Tampa. Great time with great friends and family! I was proud to introduce my son to everyone and even prouder to attend Daniel's wedding. Like Matt, I remember holding him as a baby and I can remember joking once with a friend from high school that I ran into at the local Publix that Daniel was my son. I'm happy to report that Matt began his Best Man career at my wedding and has carried on the role proudly. As to the resemblance Matt speaks of, to me it is uncanny. Especially when they both smile. Must be those crinkly Drinnenberg eyes! Good to meet the other PCR writers and see old friend Rick Sousa again, who quickly reminded me of the infamous "Watermelon" incident of our youth. Trust me, it will be in my book. The only complaint I have is that the time went by too fast! I'm looking forward to doing it again very soon!

P.S.: My only complaint about my Rant photo is that it looks too much like me! I asked Nolan to use Phillip's picture but he refused! And don't think Matt is going to get away with the "20 years, 20 pounds" remark. If I was 6 foot four I would be thin, too!

OSCAR TIME
If you include my wild card pick of Christopher Walken I went 27 for 30 this year in my pre-Oscar nomination choices (See "Oscar Picks" in the Movie review section!--N). Congrats to composer John Williams, who received his 42nd nomination! Needless to say, he's good! If I was voting today, I'd have to give the awards to: "Chicago," Martin Scorsese, Daniel Day Lewis, Renee Zellwegger, Chris Cooper and Catherine Zeta-Jones. We'll see next month how well I do!

THANKS
To Steve Beasley for his great letter regarding my "Bowling for Columbine" review (See Steve's letter on the homepage--N). I'm glad you enjoyed it. Even more, I'm glad it made you think. I'm happy to report that "Columbine" DID get on Oscar nomination as best feature documentary. My fingers are crossed.

SPOT THE LOONEY
British law enforcement officers are now on the lookout for an American fugitive after a moviegoer recognized the man's face while watching the film, "Hannibal." In the film, agent Clarice Starling scans the FBI web site and comes across the face of James "Whitey" Bulger. Bulger, 73, is wanted in the US for 18 murders! The moviegoer said that he had met Bulger in London's West End this past September. Bulger fled the country in 1995.

Despicable Evil Loser Total Assholes AIRLINES
Of course, with every vacation comes the occasional snag. Let me share mine with you.

With our flight scheduled to depart for Atlanta at 8:40 a.m., Phillip and I arrived at the airport a few minutes after 7:00. We approached the curb side check in and I handed the attendant our ticket package. Glancing at our itinerary and not our tickets, he tells us we have to check in at the kiosks inside. We go there and, despite entering every piece of information except our sperm count, we are unable to access our flight information. Three separate times I ask a Delta employee who keeps running past me while imploring me to "try another button." Finally, another employee tells me that since I have tickets I don't need to be at the kiosk. It is now 7:25. We go back to the curb check in and, after a few minutes wait, we begin to check our luggage. Oops! Wait a minute. "I'm sorry sir," I'm told. "Your bag has been randomly selected to be hand searched before check in. You'll have to go inside." So we get in the long line inside. It is now 7:40. I am immediately aware of a large sign that declares "DUE TO INCREASED SECURITY WE TICKETING WILL BE STOPPED 30 MINUTES PRIOR TO DEPARTURE!" So we wait. And wait. And WAIT. I notice that there are FOUR Delta employees assisting the 7 or 8 people in the FIRST CLASS line, while there are only TWO helping the 40 or so of us deadbeats flying coach. I go over to the first class counter and suggest that maybe one of them could move to our section. I am greeted with what could best be described as a "Harumphhhh" (think "Blazing Saddles"), but, after my third visit to the counter, one of the ladies rolls her eyes and moves over to our section. I am further incensed by the woman who pulls two of her friends out of line from behind us and checks them in at a counter marked "CLOSED." Once again, let me remind you that our flight leaves at 8:40. At 8:11 we finally make it to the counter. Looking at my tickets, the woman proceeds to tell me that I've missed my flight due to the 30 minute rule. I explain to her that because of her fellow employees lack of knowledge that I wasted 40 minutes. She said there was nothing she could do. I ask to speak to a supervisor and after a few minutes she returns with Gregory Whaley, Delta supervisor. I explain the events of the day and he tells me that I should have gotten to the airport earlier. I tell him that the incompetence of his employees wasted 40 minutes of my morning. He says, "I really have no way to address the incompetence you're speaking of." I tell him that he can address it with "him, him and her" and point to the employees that gave us the run around. I then mention the woman who helped her pals at the end of the line. He goes to speak to her, then returns to tell me they were not her friends but people with E-tickets. I then point to a woman in a red blazer similar to his and say, "no, that woman there was helping the E-ticket people." He tells me that it really doesn't matter because, even if he could accommodate me, it would take more then 30 minutes to get through security to the plane, so my flight would be gone anyway. He then tells the attendant to book us as standby passengers. As she begins to check my luggage, I ask her if she is going to search it. She asks me why I ask. I tell her that I was told at curbside that my luggage had been randomly selected to be searched. She looks at her screen and tells me there is no note of that in her computer! Nice! Incidentally, including a stop at the gift shop, going through security and the tram ride to the gate, it took us a total of 10 minutes!

We went to the next Atlanta bound flight gate and saw we were number 14 on the standby list. We made it to number 3 by the time the flight filled up. We were instructed to move to the next gate where the list would be resumed. When the list was reposted, we had moved from third to tenth. Even more surprising, the family of six (mom, dad and four children, all under the age of 10), who had been right behind us were now far below us. I went to the ticket counter and asked why we had dropped. I was told that people who purchased more expensive tickets had been put ahead of us. I said, "Aren't we all on standby? Shouldn't we be accommodated in the order we apply?" I was told that Delta policy is to accommodate the highest priced tickets first. "Besides," the woman told me, "it wouldn't really be fair to put you ahead of someone who had a more expensive ticket now, would it?" Wow! I can see why the family got bumped. When I talked to the father, he said that they had arrived at the airport more then 2 hours before their scheduled 7:15 flight and were held up because of the poor staffing at the Delta counter. When we left Tampa at noon, these poor people were still way down on the list, paying the price of having bought an inexpensive vacation for the family! For all I know, they're still sitting in the airport!

Well, that's if for now. Have a great week! See ya!

Readers: after Mike got home and sent me The Rant above, the following surfaced during a later Instant Message session--Nolan)
...and another thing that I didn't touch on...........if you use the self service kiosk, you check your own baggage. Isn't that an invitation for terrorists! Yes, I was first directed to the Eticket self service kiosk. You list your flight info and then you check your own bags. Pretty scary.

I don't know what the hell is going on out there, but I think I speak for all current and potential air-flyers everywhere when I say that this negligent an downright abusive behavior towards costomers MUST STOP. Is this still all supposed to be about 9/11?? Or is the state of the economy so bad that even airlines don't give a rat's ass who they offend because they're all bordering on bankruptcy anyway? If that's the case, shouldn't they be more aggresive in catering towards passengers' needs?

On a related note, speaking of 9/11, I've heard from numerous sources (Mike and Phillip among them) that middle-eastern-looking foreigners are, at best, sloppily checked out at the gates because airlines are terrified of being sued for racial predjudice! SO WHO IS BEING SCREENED?? US?? WHY?? Note Mike's observance: no one had any idea who the computer chose to be "randomly checked", but passengers are herded into a holding area anyway, and if all else fails, there's a SELF-SERVE KIOSK?!?!?!

Of course, you're only valued as much as your ticket price, so first arrivals are guaranteed nothing.

I remember saying to Mike and Phillip before they left, how much I used to love to fly. After reading about Mike's horrible enocunter with Delta, I will triple-think ANY decision about flying anywhere. It's not worth this.

If any spokesperson, or better yet--disgruntled employee from Delta Airlines, or ANY airlines, wishes to respond to this, I will be happy to post it in next week's PCR lettercol. Write to: Crazedfanboy1@aol.com, Subject Line: "Mike's Rant" or "Delta".--Nolan