Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the culmination of over a year's worth of arguing, debate and speculation about what would seem to most a very unworthy target of so much energy: "FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 10" or as it is in the final title, simply "JASON X".

Most of this has been carried on by two of my most talented friends who could not be more diametrically opposed in virtually every category: Mike "Deadguy" Scott and Terence Nuzum. After such a long time simmering, Terence finally challenged everybody to see "Jason X" to...er...witness...what he predicted would come true: that it was crap. Deadguy was prepared to love this picture no matter what because he loves the character of Jason Vorhees and he'll be damned if anyone takes that from him no matter how many plot holes you can drive a starship through! (For a deeper understanding of Deadguy's devotion, please see the Dementia, this issue.)

A brief tour of internet postings seem to show that there are a lot of Deadguys out there who forgive New Line their sins and pay their money to wallow in the Jason-ness of it all. There are also a lot of Terences who are frustrated that this level of movie is so eagerly supported thereby discouraging any future "Citizen Kanes" or "Clockwork Oranges" from even getting off the ground.

OK, 'nuff said.  Without further ado, the Jason X reviews by Deadguy, Nolan, Terence, Mike Smith, and Drew Reiber...

MIKE "DEADGUY" SCOTT	NOLAN B. CANOVA
I'm dying to know how many of my fellow columnists have gone to see this film. I'm sure that everyone who went to this thing saw the obvious continuity flaws, the bad acting, the cheap sets/props, heard the godawful music, and probably hated most of the horrible script. There were also numerous flaws where the screenplay writer decided to do something without considering how it would affect other parts of the film. It felt, to me as though 3 different movie companies worked on 3 scripts, and then tried to meld everything together. However, when the smoke clears, the blood dries, and the ice melts, were they entertained? Eric Avant, Al Nunn, Andrew, and myself, all found there to be some definite entertainment value in the flick, and judging by the hoots, hollers, and gasps around us, quite a number of the packed theater were also entertained. Of course, we, and most other slasher flick fans pretty much knew what to expect, and we got it in wholesale. My only disappointment (aside from the heavily armed robo-bitch scenes) was that they cut some of the scenes I was looking forward to. (Hopefully, the scenes were filmed and will appear on the DVD release). Surprisingly, some of the scenes I WASN'T looking forward to had been improved, so it's a fair trade-off, I guess. To really enjoy this film, you have to suspend thousands of tons of disbelief, but if you knew that coming in, it's an entertaining source of commentary with the folks you went with (as long as they're like-minded). As so aptly described by Terence in the past, (and possibly in his article this week) how many things can you do with Jason? He kills folks, and when he's done with that, he kills more folks, and then he get's at least ALMOST killed himself, and then he get's back up, kills again and again, until.. well...until he gets too messed up, and requires a break before the next sequel. So, this 10th installment of the series is nothing more, and certainly nothing less, than exactly the type of stuff that's expected in a film like this. Certainly, there were parts of the film that were different from the normal "Friday the 13th" stuff, but nothing here that's exceptionally new, because the subjects themselves aren't new. Oddly enough, every scene in this film, and every character, and every prop can be directly compared to a counterpart in another film or video game. The movie "Aliens" figured the most heavily in the story as I noted in my original Jason X article in PCR #56(? #57?), but there were also elements from the Doom video game and some of the weapons appeared to be direct copies of Doom weapons. One gun was even referred to as a "B.F.G." which is from Doom and Quake ("BFG" stands for Big F'ing Gun). It was kinda' fun to see them, although I think conceptually they looked good on paper, but looked particularly goofy in the film. Sometimes, the primary weapons looked like oversized caulking guns under certain lighting conditions. One handgun was noticeably a prop taken directly from the "Judge Dredd" movie. The spacesuits were a cross between the red leather "Wing Commander" armor, the faceplate of the bio-suits in "Virus" (also in "2001: A Space Oddessy"), and had hoselines faintly reminescent to the Predator's helmet. Cowboy hats have also managed to find their way among the stars in this flick. too. The killing was on par with the rest of the series, with a few bonuses this time, such as exceptionally realistic gore, and excessive trauma damage that had folks in shock throughout the theater. It was a bit over-the-top sometimes, but I believe that was intentional, as sort of a side joke. For example, Jason gets seriously wounded (understatement of the year) but he's still struggling to get up. Then someone delivers what immediately seems to be the "coup de grace" ---then Jason slumps immediately, and lays there like so much raw meat, but after about a second, tries to sit up. Everyone in the house was laughing, we all got the fact it was a gag, but another massive wound drew gasps again. Two of the deaths stood out in my mind as being masterfully excecuted, one involving a lady's face and liquid nitrogen (ultra-freezing liquid) and the other an impalement on a large auger drill bit. The body, as it relaxed in death, slowly slid down the auger, spinning slowly down the shaft. I even liked the way Jason kinda' cocked his head to watch it happen. I joked to Eric that now Jason wants to go do it again. Eric responded with" I didn't know Jason was supposed to be gay?" I thought I'd missed something important until he continued with "I'm surprised they showed him screwing that guy like that." They had the required bad "screw" pun in the film a bit later, but I preferred Eric's. Being a standard low-budget slasher flick also means there were lots of boobies being exposed. An ultra-realistic android and her creator studied her breasts in what seemed to be a sexual way until her nipples fell off and clanked to the floor. Turns out he was just uhh.. "tweaking" them to make them look more realistic. (groan) The glimpse into our possible future (2455 A.D.) was entertaining. According to "Jason X", space stations will be built with less structural integrity than a common exploration spaceship. Interiors of these spaceships include things like stick shifts with bicycle handlegrips located on the bridge. Oh, and rather than have lots of buttons and pretty lights, the bridge is "decorated" with a whole bunch of fancy vacuum-formed plastic housings on everything. Don't confuse the bridge with the pilot's cockpit, they're not the same thing anymore. There's a Trek-styled "holodeck" capable of simulating 3D environments in true 3D, so folks can play "Quake 2400" in a truly immersive way. Hmm.. except that after the gruesome Microsoft Wars, it would appear that Macintosh has taken the lead on the market, so it might not be Quake anymore. Later in the film, the holodeck was used to stall Jason by providing two 1980's-era "victims", created for Jason to play with, and that had me in stitches! In any event, lots of fun, but no potential Oscars (unless there's an Oscar for gory intros). If you like B-budget films, and like finding story flaws, AND REALLY like Jason, you're in for a treat. Otherwise, there's probably not much here for you unless you're a gore fan. By the way, don't let your children see this film unless they're at LEAST older than my mom's cat (10 years old). When I went to see this thing, I was constantly distracted during all the good bits, because I was horrified at the little kids in the row in front of me. They actually even partially covered their eyes during the booby shots, at the prompting of their mom(?) sitting there next to them, but 'cmon folks it's rated R for a reason. If you're sick enough to let your little kids watch this, at least do it at home so you can pause and explain things like: "Yes, dear, that's his exploded head.. it isn't REALLY his head, it's a.. uhh.. smashed watermelon with make-up on it, it isn't real.". "No dear, I don't think Jason uses an appropriate method for getting his point across, although he DOES seem to get the last word without even saying anything." I'm a twisted, sick bastard, but at least I know what my kid is ready to understand, and what should be held back until he understands morality and compassion. I wanted to straighten that lady out, but get WAY too scary looking when I get all pissed off in a stranger's face. Probably woulda' scarred the kids more than the movie could have.	I got the distinct impression while watching "Jason X" that I was watching a movie from the late '70s or early '80s. No, I don't just mean the plot rip-offs and/or homages (and there were plenty), I mean the whole feel of the film was decisively retro. The color, the film style. everything. In fact, I remarked to my cohorts Terence and Drew who accompanied me to the film that I felt like I was watching "Heavy Metal: The Live-Action Movie". In the near future, we've perfected cryogenic freezing. Somehow Jason is desired for scientific study by David Cronenberg who doesn't want to see him destroyed or frozen (I forget which) by the Crystal Lake Research Facility (or something like that, ha ha). In the time it takes to feret out his fate, Jason escapes his bonds (well, sure) hacking his way into a showdown with our heroine. She somehow tricks him into falling into a cryo-chamber which locks and loads. Unfortunately, she is trapped in the room herself, and thru some malfunction gets frozen also. There they both stay for 400 years! They are rescued by an earth space team on their way to somewhere (don't remember, don't care) and the girl is defrosted thru amzing future regenerative medicine. Altho Jason is supposed to be very dead, well, naturally he comes alive while he's being dissected by a gorgeous Heavy Metal babe aboard the spacecraft. (The thing I love the most about this movie is that all the women--scientists included---are all Heavy Metal babes.) Jason finds a nice, big cleaver he likes on the operating table and goes to work. The slashings are really gruesome and well-done with many in that so over-the-top way, they're funny. (A soldier is impaled on a huge metal drill, twisting and winding his way down to the bottom---when inquiry is made to his fate, the reporting soldier merely says, "he's screwed". Har har, this is comedy!) Particularly strong performances by Peter Mensah as the sergeant (a Samuel K. Jackson/Laurence Fishburne dead-ringer), and Lisa Ryber as Kay-Em 14, a buxomous android I fell immediately in love with. The Heavy Metal gunfight/showdown between her and Jason was extremely satisfying. In fact, not unpredictably, it's not until after you think Jason's down for good that that future technology springs into action and resurrects an Uber-Jason that made all the posters! I saw homages (or rip-offs, depending on your point-of-view) to Terminators 1 & 2, Alien (big-time), Total Recall, Star Trek, RoboCop, and the earlier Friday the 13th movies (including one holodeck recreation of Camp Crystal lake from the 80s). Altho I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a few laughs from this film, I can't really recommend this to any serious movie fans. I was going to give it one star, but threw in an additional half-star for the make-up effects. However, if you miss the slasher genre and the cut-'em-up-like-we-usedta kinda thriller that makes Jason so special, well, hell, knock yourself out....there's plenty for you to like in Jason X. TERENCE NUZUM Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. There are very few instances when I feel like stabbing my eyes out with a rusty blade. This is one of them. Now I know I've bitched and moaned about this film for at least a year before it came out, but I never expected it to be this lame. I mean I should have, considering the director and screenwriter. I'm not going to even elaborate much on the plot......or lack thereof. Just be sure to know that it is a rip-off of the entire "Alien" series with a little of the "Thing from another World" to boot. The characters do at least give you that "please kill them" factor but far too much time is spent on thier empty characterization. Jason hasn't been this lame since part 6 and poor David Cronenberg makes a pointless routine cameo. At this point it's almost like you can't make a bad horror movie without him in it (remember "Nightbreed"? I do, unfortunately). All in all, the plot is obviously a product of a boring pointless non-artist/ idiot guy who sat down and made a script of all his favorite movies. James Isaacs' direction is typically a peice of watered-down manure. It's not even potent manure. It's just "there". I mean why does anyone give this man a job after "The Horror Show". I'm sure everyone was expecting me to rip this film a new one, but why bother? Not only has the new one already ripped, it now rips itself a third one and all by itself it does this. I think the biggest cut I can give this travesty is that at several points I found my bruised and battered eyes settling on one point of the screen, like the corner, as I started to drift off. I didn't even know where I was. It was like I was watching static. The only thing saving this film from "Lost World" status is the fact that it did have one or two funny death scenes and of course the '80s slasher flashback scene. Seeing Jason beat a sleeping bag stuffed with a girl against a tree is priceless. But please don't go see this I beg of you!!!!!!!! Not unless you want an unwilling lobotomy. So why was this garbage made? Well it's perhaps best said by a character in the film itself: "In the end its all about money". If anyone thinks that an "upgraded" Jason is cool or even just mindless fun needs to be tarred and feathered, hit by a truck, hit by yet another truck, and left to die in ditch. This movie has no taste whatsoever. This is the horror films we have noawadays. First there was "Freddy's Dead". Now there is "Jason X". If you like the Jason character then you should stay away because frankly it's a disgrace to the character. If that's possible at this point. I am brusied, battered, and forever changed by this garbage and I hope I recover. All in all, Tod Farmer is public enemy No.1 To hell with you all, Terence Nuzum MICHAEL A. SMITH There is always one thing that frightens me most when I see a movie. That is when I don't recognize A SINGLE NAME in the opening credits. Not the stars, writer, music guy, producer or director. With the exception of Sean Cunningham (from the original "Friday the 13th" film) I didn't see one name I noticed in the credits of this film. Bad sign #1. Then I kept thinking to myself, "Jason X?" "Jason X"................isn't this the one where he fights the Russian? Bad sign #2. The film begins with the always deadly Jason Voorhees chained and apparently sedated as he awaits the Walt Disney/Han Solo treatment. Of course, like the guy in the red shirt on the old "Star Trek" series, there is always some poor bastard that has to antagonize Jason and, of course, pay the price. Soon it is revealed that Jason's cryogenic future is part of a government plan. Bad sign #3. Not giving too much away here, Jason ends up in the future. He, as well as his last victim, have been frozen for over 400 years. The group that discovers them is populated by many nubile, barely dressed women and their horny manly coworkers. I mean, everyone knows, that where there is wanton sex and lust, Jason Voorhees is not far behind. Does anyone survive? Does Jason finally die? Could "Jason XI" be far behind? Hmmmmmmmm............... What begins as an enjoyable "slasher" film suddenly decides it wants to be too many other movies. The unrelenting, non stop pursuit of his prey? "Terminator." The constant violent deaths (face smashing appears to be the in thing in the 25th Century)? "Halloween." But there is one movie that appears to have been the blueprint here. The greedy company guy willing to risk anything to keep Jason alive? The half human/half machine cyborg sent along to protect the mission. The group of bad ass space marines? Yes, that's right. You are the big winner if you said "Aliens." On a positive note, the effects weren't bad for this type of film. They spent some money on the sets and it shows. Kane Hodder (oops, I lied.........I do know who he is) has pretty much grown in the role of Jason. He has gone from plodding idiot to a skilled killer with a variety of ways to dispatch his enemies. All in all, I give it ** out of ****. If you like your slasher films bloody and noisy, then this is the one for you.
DREW REIBER Matzoh. Unleavened bread eaten especially at the Passover. Taken to remind us of hard times past. I’m not entirely sure why we’re still using it today. And it tastes like cardboard. Much like the Jason series and its latest entry, Jason X. An utterly soulless, cliché-infested, hack job. Lines, scenes and characters from every film in the Aliens series, as well as any other space film that I’m sure Todd Farmer (the writer) has seen many, many times before. Hell, I’d be hard pressed to believe that he wasn’t watching some of them AS he “wrote” the “screenplay.” I can only imagine that the sole reason the producers backed the film, was because it sounded fresh. Now, when I first heard that they were planning to launch Jason into space, I figured it was a retarded joke. Well, it still is. The finished product itself doesn’t even suffer… it’s just plain dead. The direction is stale, the writing is choppy, nonsensical and to quote Terence Nuzum, “That description is too kind.” There was a time that I looked forward to seeing Jason movies. Of course, this when I was in 4th grade and I thought Creepshow 2 was a good movie. The franchise ran out of steam by part 4 (easily the most nauseating entry), yet somehow stumbled it’s way through 5 more sequels. Admittedly, a few of the later films were amusing (especially Jason Takes Manhattan), but that was because the filmmakers accepted they were making trash and reveled in the lunacy of it all. Unfortunately for audiences, Scott Cunningham soon returned and attempted to bring malice back to the films with Jason Goes To Hell, a veritable symbolic title for the franchise itself. Overdone, ridiculous and just plain bad… just like part 4, the supposed “death” of Jason was just one excuse to draw in enough crowds to revitalize a series that should have died ten years before. Flash forward another 7 years, and New Line has decided to bless us once again with their inane and mindless efforts with a film that should quite simply be called, Jason in Space. No other description should be needed, as the movie is as void and empty as the concept implies. From one derivative moment without excitement to the next sickening and pitiful attempt at humor, Jason X drags on for about 80 minutes until it reaches its one inspired moment involving a virtual reality unit and the 1980’s. I’m sure this scene sounded so good to the producers when pitched, they were probably only concerned with building the other 90 minutes around the one 3 minute sequence which they imagined would sell the whole picture. Well, it did not. I can only wait until death to ask the gods how I managed to stay conscious or focused (as it was) on a film such as this when some who attended the screening with me had drifted off into their own space at least halfway through the film. But all is not lost, thankfully. For every moment that I might have considered suicide after seeing Jason X, I can take comfort in the thought that E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial: Special Edition bombed at the box office. That at least proves to me that there is some semblance of justice in the movie going world.