Hello, gang! A short one this week. Shall we begin?

LA FLORIDIANA UFOs I Have Seen -- Part 1 by Will Moriaty
THIS WEEK'S MOVIE REVIEW "National Lampoon's Dorm Daze" by Mike Smith
COUCH POTATO The Dinosaurs vs The Pirates, a Couch Potato Editorial....The Cure DVD and Video  by Vinnie Blesi
ASHLEY'S HOLLYWOOD The 9-25 Club....SAG & Oscar News Already!....THE PUNISHER....Mark Wahlberg  by Ashley Lauren
CREATURE'S CORNER UFO vs The Creature  by John Lewis
MIKE'S RANT The Nothing Left To Chance League....Milking It....Congrats....If He's Not back By Wednesday, We Get Clapton....Passing On  by Mike Smith
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The Nothing leFt to chance League
Last week, Denver Bronco coach Mike Shanahan took a lot of grief for giving a misleading injury report on his quarterback. Knowing his player had injured his shoulder, Shanahan reported at half-time that the player had suffered a "slight concussion." After the game, Shanahan came clean, stating that, if the injured player had been able to return to the game, and the opposing team knew his weakness, they would capitalize on it. Though no rule was broken, Shanahan was unofficially chastised by National Football League commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who issued a new rule that injuries must be reported correctly, "for a variety of reasons." Hmmmmmmm........could one of those reasons be gambling, Paul? I mean, after all, football is the ONLY sport that requires not only an injury report, but one that measures the players' possibility of playing. I mean, they don't tell you in baseball if Chipper Jones is going to play or not. You wait until the line up is announced. Why in the hell is it so important to know, sometimes days before the game, if a player is going to play? GAMBLING! You can gamble on anything in Vegas, including individual quarters of a football game. I'm sure many gamblers might get upset if they think their QB has a concussion and it turns out he can't throw. And we wouldn't want to upset the gamblers, now would we, Paul? I can't wait until some coach announces that his star running back has hurt his knee and then that running back is crippled for life when some huge linebacker chop blocks him, later telling reporters he knew the players' weakness.

MILKING IT
Shame on FOX Television for using the recent passing of John Ritter in an attempt to hold on to its audience during the EMMY Awards this past Sunday. No less then six times did they tell viewers to "stay tuned" for an upcoming tribute to the late comedian, only to have to endure more lame comic hosts.

CONGRATS
To one of my favorite actors, Joe Pantoliano, who took home a much deserved EMMY for his work on "The Sopranos." His emotional acceptance speech was a highlight of the program.

IF HE'S NOT BACK BY WEDNESDAY, WE GET CLAPTON
At least that is what John Lennon told Paul and Ringo during the recording of the "Let It Be" album after George Harrison quit the band. Thankfully, George came back, though on Thursday morning. Put in the hands of producer Phil Spector, the tracks were over-produced and heavily orchestrated. Now, the album is "back to where it once belonged." Stripped of all of Spector's handiwork, "Let It Be...Naked," will just feature the music made in the studio, recorded live during the sessions. Can't wait.

PASSING ON
Gordon Jump, best known as station manager Arthur Carlson on "WKRP in Cincinnati," died Monday in Southern California. He was 71. Cause of death was pulmonary fibrosis. A native of Dayton, Ohio, Jump began his career working at radio and television stations in the Midwest. After graduating from the University of Kansas, he worked behind the microphone and the camera, including jobs as a producer for Kansas and Ohio stations. He was also known for his portrayal of the lonely Maytag repairman, a role he played from 1989 until last July. After moving to Hollywood in 1963, he began his television career with roles in such shows as "Daniel Boone," "Get Smart" and "The Partridge Family." He also appeared in the film, "Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.

FLASH!
Robert Palmer, easily the best-dressed man in rock and roll, has died today, Friday, Sept 26, in Paris. Cause of death is believed to be a heart attack. More on Mr. Palmer's career in next week's Rant.

Well, that's it for this now. Have a great week! See ya.